tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33639718721907782032024-03-13T00:15:41.311-04:00The Semi-Daily PreacherSemi-daily preaching by a Semi-daily Preacher on a semi-daily basis.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger251125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-3276606488431805032011-12-28T06:00:00.001-05:002011-12-28T12:26:23.711-05:00CHURCH SHOPPING<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-e3qzNb3gjxQ/Tu5v0TZIGGI/AAAAAAAAAnU/Q4lheG2fdUs/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-e3qzNb3gjxQ/Tu5v0TZIGGI/AAAAAAAAAnU/Q4lheG2fdUs/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <style>
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</style><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I’ve always been amused by the idea of people “church shopping.” Ask somebody, “So where do you go to church?”</span>
<div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">They say, “We’re not anywhere right now. Just kinda shopping around.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Shopping around? Really? What a great concept. Shopping is different that “searching” or “seeking” or “thirsting” for some truth that makes sense. Shopping is...something else. </span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-w8wvJOye7MM/Tu5v5eGDEiI/AAAAAAAAAns/zJ8580-targ/s1600/20-unusual-churches-p1-jubilee1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-w8wvJOye7MM/Tu5v5eGDEiI/AAAAAAAAAns/zJ8580-targ/s320/20-unusual-churches-p1-jubilee1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Whenever somebody says they’re “shopping around for churches” I always imagine them suckin’ on a big fruit smoothie, walking through a huge mall filled with churches. Each “mall church” has a wall-sized mall store window in the front with signs in them advertising their latest and greatest spiritual feature:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">“Try Our Padded Pews! Now With Massage Rollers!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">“Join Now, No Tithing Till 2014!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">“Cool Music, Easy Sermons, Great Food...Why Pray Anywhere Else?!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-81oazw-7Zm4/Tu5v46HJMDI/AAAAAAAAAnk/S4b3SSZbPRw/s1600/church-notre-dame-luxembourg-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-81oazw-7Zm4/Tu5v46HJMDI/AAAAAAAAAnk/S4b3SSZbPRw/s320/church-notre-dame-luxembourg-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">They shop til they find something they like, something they’re comfortable with. Others kinda mix and match: some music from this one, some teaching from that, maybe a little decorating from that one - those types NEVER really land anywhere, but are forever “shopping”.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Yes, shopping is different from searching or seeking or thirsting...it’s more casual, pickier, more consumer-friendly. Shopping says, “What’dya got? Make me laugh. Entertain me. If I like what I see, maybe we can make a deal. If not, I'll move on till something strikes my fancy.”</span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dViAvRAsj1I/Tu5v2UzcWKI/AAAAAAAAAnc/JJnyZv5t1XY/s1600/MethodistChurch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dViAvRAsj1I/Tu5v2UzcWKI/AAAAAAAAAnc/JJnyZv5t1XY/s320/MethodistChurch.jpg" width="237" /></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">But searching, seeking, thirsting...that’s... different.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing. </span>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-90341554661113584662011-12-26T11:53:00.000-05:002011-12-26T11:53:38.914-05:00CHRISTMAS AND THE PREACHER<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Whew! Well, THAT was a close one! But hey! You made it! So take some time and give yourself a nice, well-deserved pat on the back! You made it through another Christmas and you aren’t in jail OR the looney bin! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Considering what the Holiday season has become in recent years - this is actually quite an accomplishment.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The presents, the mounds of honey-baked whatever-it-is, and the full-contact shop-a-mania are finally over and done with for another year. You are FREE! All that pressure about who’s going to who’s house, and what to get Aunt Tiddler has also past. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">So live it up! Pull the over-flowing trashcans filled with once-used wrapping paper and discarded worthless packaging to the street, get those lights off the house, and the reindeer out of the yard and for once in 2 months let’s order some pizza for dinner instead of turkey. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Why not? Look, Christmas is OVER, let’s try to enjoy ourselves again. It’s the LEAST we can do. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Let’s lose of the “Happy Holidays” greeting and get back to the more comfortable: “HEYYY!” or “THERE he is!” or “HEYYY...there he is...YOU!” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Let’s wear sweaters we’d LOVE to be caught dead in - instead the ones with all the snowflakes and snowmen and bells on ‘em. Let’s play some Springteen and Pavorotti in the stores again for cryin’ out loud.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Christmas is over! So we can lose the crowded, silly, mindless, worried, guilty, stressed out schedule we’ve been on the last few months and get back to living and treating each other like human beings again!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">After all...it IS Christmas. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Well...it WAS anyway. You get it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">CHECK THIS OUT (ex-shite-ing):</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/bcsqGpcSE1M?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"> </span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-55404224228683616862011-12-23T06:00:00.002-05:002011-12-23T08:35:30.111-05:00BIBLE FLIP SCIPT: RED STUFF<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Well, it’s time once again for another episode of Bible Flip Script! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">This is when I just flip my Bible open, fling my finger down on a verse and then just preach whatever verse my finger happens to land on. It is considered by many to be some of the most exciting preaching I do. Personally, I think the MOST exciting preaching I do is whenever I tie myself to the back of a wild boar and do a power point on the book of Leviticus. But...to each his own.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">OK, I am flipping...and flinging....and BOOM!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">OK, today’s Bible Flip Script comes to us from the book of Genesis chapter 25, verse 30 where it says, “He said to Jacob, ‘Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I am exhausted.’”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">You know it’s not too often that I am given the opportunity to preach on the subject of Bible hot sauce. Not that I shy away from food preaching. Far from it. As many of you know I’ve preached on Splenda many times, and I have been known to throw down a little lesson or two on the spiritual power of waffles. But hot sauce doesn’t come along nearly as often as I’d like.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">And yet, here we have a specific Biblical text for it! The story of Jacob and Esau! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Feeling tired like Esau? Worn down? Had a rough day? Have a couple spoonfuls of “the red stuff” like they did in Bible times and you’ll be feeling like yourself in no time! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Of course, you’ll also end up losing the blessing from your father and selling your birthright to your deceitful, conniving little brother, and in pretty much screw up a lot of your life, but hey - at least you won’t feel groggy.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Hot sauce...it’s in the Bible...I think. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I like to watch this once a day...don't you?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/7R7gyZCpuAg?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"> </span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-32688982584861477682011-12-21T06:00:00.003-05:002011-12-21T09:28:42.435-05:00HEAVEN'S DOWNSIDE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I was sittin’ around thinkin’ about Heaven the other day...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dhobevNQc2k/Tu5rs6RfhII/AAAAAAAAAm8/1cksOUBcirI/s1600/new_jerusalem.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dhobevNQc2k/Tu5rs6RfhII/AAAAAAAAAm8/1cksOUBcirI/s320/new_jerusalem.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">...this is not unusual for Preachers, by the way. It’s kinda like bein a Librarian and sittin' around thinkin’ about books, or bein’ an astronaut and eatin’ peanut butter out of a tube...some things you do just because of your job. Anyhow...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I was sittin’ around thinkin’ about Heaven: the golden streets, the pearly gates, the mountains and mountains of never-ending edible chocolate church buildings (hey a guy can DREAM, can’t he? I love Willie Wonka) when I remembered what I heard a preacher say one time about Heaven.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">He said that one of the great things about Heaven would be the fact that it would be a place where we could year after year, eon after eon, for ever and ever spend time with our family.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Our family. For all eternity. Together. At last. ForEVER. Just us. Wow. That is...quite a concept. Are you kiddin’?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Look, between you and me - I don’t know that the thought of spending an ETERNITY with THE FAMILY - and by that I mean MY family is necessarily what I would call a “motivator” as far as the Heaven thing goes for ANY of us. And anybody who says it IS a motivator, clearly hasn’t met certain members of my family.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I’m not sayin’ they’re bad people, or that I don’t want to see them IN Heaven - I’m just saying that there are SOME of us IN the family who have discovered that there are SOME family functions that are often enjoyed better when SOME members of the family fail to come to SOME of the family functions - and I’m ASSUMING Heaven might be the same way, that’s all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Now that I think of it - maybe that's how it should be anyhow. Maybe the "family reunion aspect" we often place on the idea of Heaven wasn't ever supposed to be the reason we wanted to "go to Heaven". Maybe there was a "bigger" point to the whole thing.</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">That being said...Cousin Carl...Heaven or not, that restraining order is still in effect. Stay away from me. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Merry Christmas, everybody! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">AND DON'T FORGET...it's not too late to get your Preacher a copy of my new CD. My guess is, your Preacher could really use some new material to steal from. He do it for you. If they HAD CDs for Blurches.</span></i><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">You know...hold on. Just gimme a second. My glasses are just filthy. It’s drivin’ me nuts.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cXgO5b1ueNw/Tu5fPPjrF4I/AAAAAAAAAm0/2BuWbKRsgE0/s1600/IMG_0420.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cXgO5b1ueNw/Tu5fPPjrF4I/AAAAAAAAAm0/2BuWbKRsgE0/s320/IMG_0420.JPG" width="276" /></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">For those of you who are not Preachers or do not wear glasses - or both...you probably aren’t gonna understand why having dirty glasses is so frustrating and frankly...dangerous when it comes to preaching. To say nothing of Bleaching.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">So in the interest of professional, big-time preaching, I’m gonna take some time right now to clean these glasses before I continue - so gimme just a minute.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">To see clearly, is to preach clearly. To preach with fingerprints and French Fry residue all over the place is to preach...whatever...what is this on here?!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Lucky for me, I always have a travel glasses cleaner kit tucked inside my travel Bible, which I keep in my travel preachin’ suit, which kinda slides into my Portable Pulpit. I’m what you call a “Prepared Preacher” - except when it comes to my sermons. I pretty much just wing those.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Give a little spray there. And another little spray there. And...well, gettin’ better. Not quite there yet, but gettin’ better.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">This kinda reminds me of the story in the Bible when the blind man came to Jesus asking for healing. Jesus spit in the ground, made some mud, rubbed the mud on the man’s eyes and said, “How do you see now?” “Looks like a bunch of trees walkin’ around,” said the man.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">So Jesus repeated the process and THIS time...the man could see clearly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">You see, first you have to KNOW you aren’t seeing, and then you have to do whatever it takes to correct the situation. Be it miracle, spray or Lasik surgery.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">In THIS case...it's spray. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">And now that we can all see...CHECK THIS OUT:</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://1.gvt0.com/vi/YY8Ysa-ly_0/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/YY8Ysa-ly_0&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/YY8Ysa-ly_0&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-19119675593058938672011-12-18T16:31:00.000-05:002011-12-18T16:31:25.488-05:00HOMILY AND GRITS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">HELLO, BLURCH!<br />
<br />
Today I submit to you what I like to call the...<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">"INSTANT BLERMON"</span></div><br />
I hardly have to type at all for this one.<br />
<br />
Eat your heart out Joel.<br />
<br />
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As together we stand and sing.<br />
<br />
BP</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-90131013200885743682011-12-05T06:00:00.004-05:002011-12-05T06:00:01.861-05:00HEATING PAD PREACHER<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As I sit here this morning, bangin’ out yet another awarding-winning Blermon (blog-sermon), coffee at the ready, cartoons soothingly playing in the background, agonizing back pain shooting down my leg and up through the bottom of my neck (not to worry, it’s just an old baptizing injury - it happens to us Preachers), it occurs to me that all that is missing from this idyllic and creative scene is my trusty heating pad.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">(<i><b>PREACHER'S NOTE: was gonna drop a little clip art in here of a heating pad but it just seemed too condescending. Look, if you don't know what a heating pad is by now you have no business being on a computer reading a Blermon</b></i>). </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Depending on the time of year, I am never far from my heating pad. I call him “Paddywack”. If I could figure out how to keep Paddywack plugged in while I went about my daily Preacher duties I would not only be a happier Preacher, I would also be a rich one. There’s not a Preacher on the planet who wouldn’t put up big bucks for an electric “Preacher Pad”. Baptizing injuries are everywhere.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Little Paddywack calms me. Keeps me warm. Eases my recurring, ever-present, imaginary psychosomatic pains like a summertime gospel meeting. He is my electric, adjustable “blankie” buddy in a very real sense. Paddywack makes me feel good about myself and my world in a way that most Elders simply do not. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I am TOLD that there is a secret army of “Paddywackies” out there who know exactly what I’m talkin’ about. My wife Gidget is one. From November to May Gidget is never seen without Paddy at her side, or often under her side, around her side, over her feet. That girl can hog a heating pad, lemme tell ya. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">But remember not all heating pads are created equal. Some are just flat out mean. So beware. They will lull you into a cozy coma of goodness then as soon as you’ve forgotten about them they just...OW! What in the world? OW! OK, I’m not kiddin’ around. This heating pad just went koo koo. It just burned a hole through my Preachin’ pajamas! Can you believe that? My body again, offered up as a sacrificial, living illustration. I hope this helped. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing. BP</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-45328710711525995822011-12-04T06:00:00.003-05:002011-12-04T06:00:06.278-05:00PREACHER PRESENTS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Well, it’s that time again. Time to get that Preacher in your life the perfect Christmas gift.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I know many of you have been agonizing over this for months now. Getting the perfect Preacher Present can be tough. Buying for a Preacher is like buying for a super hero. What do they really need? They’ve already got heaven, a pulpit and a 3-piece suit. Still, you’ve gotta try.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">For some of you - you’re thinking that it’s already too late to get your presents to your Preacher in time for Christmas. Not to worry. The good news is MOST Preachers accept Christmas gifts well into the month of April. As for me - I’ve been known to bust open a package from Santa as late as June. Deadlines for presents are just silly in my book.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The most important thing is to try to get the Preacher in your life something that is unique and cool, but also somewhat pricey and yet spiritual. Don’t buy something SO pricey that it can’t be presented at an Elders meeting humble and spiritual. The one exception here is to make the gift SO expensive and awesome, that all the Preacher can do is shrug and say, “I would’ve never gotten such a materialistic, earthly thing for myself but...it was a gift. What can I do?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">If your gift LOOKS homemade but can also download 10,000 podcasts or hit 80 mph in 40 seconds you’re really operating in the sweet spot. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">In general I would steer clear of giving any Bible-based gifts. Figs tend to go bad after a couple of days, and Preachers have very little use for either Frankincense or Myrrh. Gold, on the other hand looks good with whatever I’m wearing. When in doubt...go with my new CD available now. They’ll love it, and many will steal from it. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xf2W7bmUeok/TtZq6n-cjjI/AAAAAAAAAmo/wSy2yie-XYg/s1600/thumbnail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xf2W7bmUeok/TtZq6n-cjjI/AAAAAAAAAmo/wSy2yie-XYg/s1600/thumbnail.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-71911005964251154782011-12-03T06:00:00.004-05:002011-12-03T06:00:04.255-05:00GOOD IS GOOD<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">It’s a complicated world out there.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">And I’m not just referring to Facebook and Twitter. I’m still not sure how to work Facebook or why anybody would want to be on there passing out pictures to strangers, and the purpose behind twipping on Twitter is as mysterious to me as the book of Deuteronomy. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">But even without those two things, the world can still be a pretty complicated place to try to maneuver. Every day there are challenges set before us that ask us to make important decisions fast. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Yellow light: slow down and stop, or blaze through?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Stressed out: go for a walk, or eat an entire pizza?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Fight with your wife: apologize and try to understand, or eat an entire pizza?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The fact is in every situation there is ultimately a “good for all of us” scenario present. Most of the time we already know what that scenario is but because of fear, or self-interest or whatever passing feelings we might be experiencing at the time, we often don’t see it clearly and instead fall back to the good ‘ole, “what’s best for ME” scenario.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The weird thing is, what’s “good for all of us” IS usually, ultimately good for each of us. Good medicine is good for you and for me; so is clean air, a speed limit, sharing, fences, leftovers, taking turns a 4-way stops, not stealing from each other.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">To finding the ultimate good for all of us may not always be easy, or initially apparent, but it does exist. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” works. Twitter and Deuteronomy...I’ll have to get back to you in those...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QqTRxEs6H4w/TtZqhkOtJRI/AAAAAAAAAmg/ntD2FklLfj8/s1600/good+is+good.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QqTRxEs6H4w/TtZqhkOtJRI/AAAAAAAAAmg/ntD2FklLfj8/s1600/good+is+good.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"> BP</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-47852114580639871002011-12-02T06:01:00.003-05:002011-12-02T08:04:45.095-05:00THEY CALL HIM FLIPPER<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I have been accused on various occasions by various and sundry critics of mine that I have periodically indulged in the viewing of particularly bad television.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">In response to what many would call “slanderous blah blah blah” - whatever - lemme just say this: Yes, I have on occasion watched some bad TV. So what? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Look, bad TV can be some of the best stuff ON TV these days. Back in the old days you had to go OUTSIDE to see drug addicts resisting arrest and people eating worms. Now they camp out right in your house.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The problem is watching too much bad TV can make it hard to sleep. There are some images on some of those shows that will stick in your brain for the next 5 years and just won’t let go. It can be quite disturbing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">“Flippers” on little beauty pageant kids is one of those images. Flippers are what they call the fake adult teeth they put over the little kids' baby teeth so the kids don’t look like a Snaggletooth Tiger. Instead, they look like Jerry Lewis circa 1964. It’s terrifying. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0g3zgqIBdDo/TtZno_rXpiI/AAAAAAAAAmI/PF5ae6jfCZI/s1600/Snap--Smile-Veneer-Alternative-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0g3zgqIBdDo/TtZno_rXpiI/AAAAAAAAAmI/PF5ae6jfCZI/s1600/Snap--Smile-Veneer-Alternative-1.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: large;">Well, THAT isn't terrifying. But THIS is...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ei38Xt2farU/TtZpQTwyOJI/AAAAAAAAAmQ/Xv0vrAiyZKs/s1600/flippers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="274" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ei38Xt2farU/TtZpQTwyOJI/AAAAAAAAAmQ/Xv0vrAiyZKs/s400/flippers.jpg" width="400" /></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">So is this, but for an entirely different reason...</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-61TnKCL7SWA/TtZpzojSDPI/AAAAAAAAAmY/I27b4voi8cw/s1600/baton.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-61TnKCL7SWA/TtZpzojSDPI/AAAAAAAAAmY/I27b4voi8cw/s1600/baton.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">What’s wrong with these parents? They willingly dress up their poor, little 4-year-olds in too-expensive-for-them-to-afford sparkly cowboy hats and boots, then stick ‘em out on a stage in a hotel conference room in front of 12 other ridiculous parents and judge them on something called “poise”. I didn’t know a 4-year-old even HAD poise, or could win a fake diamond CROWN for it. And who knew you could do ANYthing with a FLIPPER in their mouth! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">It reminded me of when I was a kid participating in Preaching Pageants. I was voted “Best Bible Waver” four years in a row. They didn’t have crowns, but I DID get a shiny silver communion tray with my name on it - which beats a FLIPPER. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">No, trust me. It does.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-85718356464315442572011-12-01T06:00:00.003-05:002011-12-01T07:39:30.747-05:00MIRACLE PREACHING<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I was recently asked the question: “Brother Preacher, have you ever worked any miracles on your own?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SowN9k3WFvY/TtZm0lDzJSI/AAAAAAAAAmA/PpD7ReO3-1k/s1600/floating_rock_lg2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SowN9k3WFvY/TtZm0lDzJSI/AAAAAAAAAmA/PpD7ReO3-1k/s320/floating_rock_lg2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">It’s a great question. It hurts my feelings a little bit, but still - it’s a good enough question to give me a topic to preach on today so - who’s complaining?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The reason I say that question hurts my feelings is because I have to admit I have never had the privilege of pullin’ off what might be considered a real “Bible type” miracle on my own. We all have our talents, and turning water to wine or curing somebody’s earache, just isn’t one of mine. I’m just not that kind of a Preacher. I’m more of the preaching type of preacher - and I’m fine with that. Look, if we ALL walked on water and turned sticks into snakes who would run the flannel graphs?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">That’s not to say that I haven’t pulled off some miraculous things in my day. Are you kiddin’? Be serious. Pullin’ off three sermons a week and a Ladies Bible Class isn’t as easy as it looks. Plus that, I have somehow escaped countless Elder’s meetings virtually unscathed. And there aren’t a lot of guys my age who can get away with preaching with 2 Bible Hour puppets at an old folks home withOUT the use of a microphone and call it “Tag Team Guest Preaching”. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">But I guess if I HAD to say when I was at my MOST miraculous it would have to be the time I was baptizing a guy in a frozen lake in Colorado WHILE making announcements and then performed CPR on him once the hypothermia kicked in. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">You see, most Preachers make their announcements BEFORE they baptize people and if the “baptizee” then happens to go into hypothermia, most Preachers hardly EVER do CPR. I do. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Well, I don’t really know HOW to do CPR but it looked right at the time and it worked for a while at least. Look, I'm not an EMT guy, I'm a Preacher...who doesn't do miracles. Lighten up out there. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-74901494291652622072011-11-28T06:00:00.001-05:002011-11-28T06:00:00.539-05:00TAPE COLLECTION<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">I’ve got a tape collection in my church office behind my favorite Bible Concordances that is so huge and so cool, it would make a grown man cry.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">If this were still 1988. As it is, it only makes ME cry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every time I look at it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">I’ve got about 1,000 cassette tapes, 23,000 8-tracks, some reel to reels and of course 1/2 a million 1/2 inch video tapes, and 1/4 million...are you ready...3/4 inch video tapes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">The GREAT news is, that these tapes are from many of my early days working as a preacher and log ride operator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I even got some and movie ideas on a lot of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">The NOT-SO-GREAT news is that I haven’t had the equipment to play ANY of these ancient “scroll-like” devices in 25 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Still I hold onto them because I “might need them someday” or because “I think there’s some really good stuff on some of that stuff”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stuffy stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh really?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pipe down!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Of course I’m only ASSUMING there’s good stuff on some of those tapes because most of them lost there content labels long ago. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Now before you get all A & E HOARDERS on me - you should know this is the only pile of irrelevant useless junk I possess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t have stacks and stacks of Precious Memories Angels in my living room or boxes of tin can pull tops in my fireplace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only thing that I have too much of and can’t seem to release without causing severe discomfort and distress to my phychie is...my tape collection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My stupid, pointless, unable to play, pointless...yet possibly worth millions...ancient tape collection.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">It that so bad?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I say no. But I always say that about stuff that’s about me and have the possibility of hurting.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">There’s a great sermon I preached one time on this very topic back in 1987.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank goodness I recorded it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now if I only knew which tape it’s on...and somebody who can pay 3/4 inch videotape that hasn’t been opened since George Herbert Walker Bush made all those remarks about...Oh who cares?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve gotta get rid of this stuff.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">BP</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-71567584776945730732011-11-27T06:00:00.000-05:002011-11-27T06:00:02.545-05:00FREE LUNCH<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">A friend of mine bought me lunch the other day. Which really kinda threw me for a loop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">It’s not that people don’t buy me lunch every once in a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the contrary, people LOVE buying Preacher’s lunch - and getting us hockey tickets...not sure why that is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think it may be left over from when us Preacher’s used to preach for fried chicken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Oh man...THOSE were the days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lemme tell ya - you shoulda heard some of my fried chicken sermons back in the day!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were short, crispy and delicious...my sermons, I mean, not the chicken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Oh man!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have <b><u>completely</u></b></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;"> forgotten what it was I was talkin’ about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s see...lunch, chicken and a....well, it’s gone now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No wait!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lunch, chicken...and uh...oh MAN what was that 3rd thing?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh well, it’s gone now...OOPS!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyhow...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">It wasn’t the fact that my friend bought me lunch the other day that threw me off, what made my head spin was the fact that it was MY FRIEND buying me lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">This dude NEVER buys me lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only that but he has never even one time in 35 years ever even gotten close to taking out cash, or a credit card or even a handful of seashells and tried to pay for even as much as a fried cheese stick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This guy is CHEAP!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">He’s the kind of guy that never QUITE gets his wallet out of his back pocket before someone else has already grabbed the check - which then causes him to say, “OH, really?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you sure?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s split it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OK, well thanks man!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">And of course when we ARE going to split the bill, somehow this guy is always in the bathroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Pathetic.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">But maybe I should feel hopeful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe after all these years, my friend is finally getting what it means to be a responsible, contributing member of society.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That once in a while it;s OK to pay for lunch with a friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe this really is a sign of good things to come.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Or maybe he knows I’ve got some deadly disease and should be dead in another 6 months and wants to get on my good side in time for the treading of the will.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">I know I shouldn’t but somehow...I’m goin’ with the will reading theory</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Pathetic.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">BP</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-38354091376829416462011-11-26T06:00:00.000-05:002011-11-26T06:00:01.115-05:00CROSS WORDS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">My wife Giget is a crossword puzzle freak.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">I know what you’re thinking and no...it’s worse than that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Worse.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">She does crossword puzzles all the time, everywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On Sundays she even does them on Skype with her family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can go on for 4 hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The woman is obsessed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">The puzzles can be from anywhere too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’ll do the ones in the newspaper, or from a book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’ll even do the kid’s crossword puzzle on the back of a paper placemat at pizza joints. If you’re ever on a plane and look in those in-flight magazines with the crossword puzzles in there, and notice that someone has already completed it...in ink...just think: “Gidget Was Here!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Knowing this about her, it explains Gidget’s animal-like attraction to ME.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As they say, “Opposites attract.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So it’s little wonder why our love affair is so heated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hate crossword puzzles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Crossword puzzles make me mad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like they are mocking me; call me stupid behind my back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I often punch crossword puzzles right in the face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s all I can do.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Whenever Gidget gets lost in her obsession, forgetting both time and place - there is only one defense I can employ to try to get her back in the real world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I immediately feign interest and attempt to play along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a cruel thing to do but one must be cruel sometimes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially if you want dinner.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">As she reads a clue I simply yell out several random words all in a row and with great earnest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then she begins to write my bogus suggestions into the evil little boxes; realizing only too late that I was merely saying nonsense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">“Ottoman Empire” is one of my favorite fake answers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That and “The Apostle Frank”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She falls for both of these on a regular basis.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Yes, it’s true - this technique can often lead to other “cross” “words”, but I find that it’s worth it if I am able to get her attention long enough to get her in the car and to dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She would starve without me and my cruel ways.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">By the way - my Marriage Seminar has been temporarily put on hold until further notice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still working out some kinks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">BP</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-58699309365916860122011-11-25T06:00:00.001-05:002011-11-25T06:00:06.370-05:00SHOWDOWN<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I think most people would agree: Preachers are the modern day version of Gunslingers.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">We’re tough. We’re fearless. We’re awesome. We are the Wyatt Earp’s of our time. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Well, I’M Wyatt Earp, and other preachers are more like my posse. My Deputies. I’m the MAIN gunslinger, is what I’m sayin’. The leader. The best one. The fast draw.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I’m Wyatt Earp, TD Jakes is Doc Holiday and Joel Olsteen is the grocery store clerk who never joins the posse and gets robbed all the time and gets hits on the head with the butt of a gun. Anyhow...</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xHpDESex_0U/Ts5aOaHk1BI/AAAAAAAAAl4/86kHNNsGF_s/s1600/BRENNER-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xHpDESex_0U/Ts5aOaHk1BI/AAAAAAAAAl4/86kHNNsGF_s/s1600/BRENNER-1.jpg" /></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Just look at the similarities between a Gunslinger of the Old West and a modern day Preacher like me: the Gunslinger has a horse, I have a pulpit. The Gunslinger has at least two guns and a knife with him wherever he goes; I always have my Preachin’/Wavin’ Around Bible, my Back-up Study Bible and either a Greek Lexicon, or my “Big Book of Dog Illustrations” book with me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The Gunslinger is always stylishly dressed; NObody wears a 3-piece corduroy suit like I do.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The Gunslinger comes to town to rid it of evil and menace; the Preacher comes to church ready to baptize or disfellowship whoever needs it and whichever clears out the saloon faster.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The Gunslinger calls for a posse; the Preacher puts together the potluck steering committee.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The Gunslinger is fearless in the face of insurmountable odds, ultimately facing down and defeating the main bad guy in the middle of main street in a final showdown; the Preacher is calm when called to an Emergency Grumpy Elder’s Meeting about last Sunday’s sermon, and ultimately faces down and defeats the lead Grumpy Elder in a one on one Bible Bowl Extravaganza.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Well, that last one doesn’t always work out that way. In truth, Grumpy Elders are known for killing preachers off without breakin’ a sweat.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">OK - Gunslingers and Preachers was a bad example.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">How ‘bout this one: have you ever noticed how much Preachers Zoo Keepers have in common?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP</span> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-49035812990985563212011-11-24T09:41:00.000-05:002011-11-24T09:41:32.616-05:00THANKSGIVING FAKE OUT<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">OK - you DO realize that this is Thanksgiving, right?</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5oHHUFHj-tE/Ts5XacssdxI/AAAAAAAAAlw/CDcydZpjlh8/s1600/turkey-necks1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5oHHUFHj-tE/Ts5XacssdxI/AAAAAAAAAlw/CDcydZpjlh8/s320/turkey-necks1.jpg" width="296" /></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">This is the ONE day a year you’re supposed to be with your family and friends, celebrating, making thankful and merry, singing Thanksgiving Day songs (OK, song) around the piano; not locked in your room reading some amazingly, earth-shattering Preacher Blermon (blog-sermon) while everybody else is downstairs busy bangin’ out the dishes. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">You oughtta be ashamed of yourself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Just as everybody was getting up from Thanksgiving Dinner, you boldly lied to your poor, unsuspecting family and said, “I’ll be right in to scrub those pans in a second, Aunt Verna. I just need to check on some email from work first. Been waiting for a VERY important...um...THINGY to come in from work. And yesterday we were traveling and my computer’s been weird since we got here. By the way, the connection is weird here. Not really sure what that’s about. Anyhow - I’ll be right in to help with those dishes in a minute or two.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Then you locked yourself into your cousin’s old room at your Aunt’s house and are currently in the process of killing 2 hours reading this Blermon, lookin’ at dopey Youtube videos of people with turkeys on their heads while playing “Words With Friends” on your phone, instead of helping scour the roaster.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Pathetic.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Well, I just want you to know - you aren’t fooling me. I know what you’re up to. You are simply USING this award-winning, semi-international, semi-important Blurch (blog-church) as an escape hatch from your family. I get it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">And I want you to know - I’m glad I could help. I hate doing dishes too. It’s gross. I wish there had been a Blurch like this when I was a kid. I wish there had been color TV when I was a kid. And pre-washed jeans.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I only hope that, in light of today, you can find it in your heart to be THANKFUL...for a BLEACHER (blog-preacher) such as me. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">And on a day like this...you need me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-11289930213610277022011-11-23T06:00:00.001-05:002011-11-23T06:00:01.341-05:00PEBBLE POWER<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">We’ve all known the surprising power of what I like to call, “The Pebble In The Shoe”.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Now that I think of it, I suppose I’m probably not the FIRST guy to CALL it that - but I’ll bet I AM the first one to type it up and try to pull it off as a sermon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all have our talents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyhow... </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-s-pM5vY4KRc/TsbW_oT7jhI/AAAAAAAAAlo/tMgplt82hD4/s1600/pebbles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-s-pM5vY4KRc/TsbW_oT7jhI/AAAAAAAAAlo/tMgplt82hD4/s320/pebbles.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">You can be having a great day, feeling terrific about yourself and your kids and the world; you can be in the middle of closing in on a multi-million dollar donut shop deal, when all of a sudden, right in mid-stride, right at the apex of the best day of your life, suddenly and without warning - WHAM! - It HITS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The “Pebble In The Shoe” appears in your life and without permission or consideration for YOUR plans or schedule takes center stage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Suddenly, you go from a strutting, confident man about town to a limping, crawling, whimpering, mass of self-pitying putty. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">It’s not a pretty sight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Suddenly all conversation stops, high-powered meetings come to a halt, smiles are gone, and laughter turns to anguish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever plans you had for your day and life have suddenly been put on hold while you are forced to deal with “The Pebble In The Shoe”.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">At this point you can really do only one of two things: you can tough it out, ignore the pain of that little rock sticking you in the heel with every step you can take OR...you can stop, sit down, take off your shoe and address the problem “at foot”.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Here’s a hint: you WON’T be able to ignore the pebble for long, so you’d better just find somewhere to sit down and deal with it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Here’s another hint: whenever possible...BE THE PEBBLE in someone ELSE’s shoe.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">BP</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-50900672504106014672011-11-22T06:00:00.001-05:002011-11-22T06:00:05.563-05:00WAITING ROOMS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Waiting Rooms have always fascinated me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"><span></span>I just love the idea that there is an entire room set aside for the express purpose of doing nothing in particular.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Most rooms that have been given their own names usually have those things they are named for actually HAPPEN in them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You LIVE in a Living Room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You DINE in a DINING ROOM.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You OPERATE in an OPERATING Room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You RUMPUS in a Rumpus Room - whatever RUMPUSING is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least it’s contained to one room. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">In a Waiting Room all you do is wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s the whole purpose of the place; to give you a physical area to simply pass time in, until you get the chance to finally DO whatever it was you were waiting to do while in the Waiting Room.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-l0eJNIZl9CE/TsbWZGfxEmI/AAAAAAAAAlg/X-_DeY_XZus/s1600/waiting-room.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-l0eJNIZl9CE/TsbWZGfxEmI/AAAAAAAAAlg/X-_DeY_XZus/s320/waiting-room.png" width="243" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;"> </span> </div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">But waiting is one of those things people simply can’t stand doing, because when you wait you don’t really DO much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s really just a lot of...NOT doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Which is why Waiting Rooms are usually packed with all kinds things for people to DO to help them NOT do a little easier: stuff to read, TVs, aquariums, coloring stations, pamphlets on various diseases.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Unlike a lot of people, I tend to LIKE Waiting Rooms precisely because there ISN’T anything to do in them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one thinks you’re a lazy bum when you do nothing in a Waiting Room, because that’s kind of the whole point to the place.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">The next time your in a Waiting Room - see how long you can just WAIT in it - no magazines, no cell phones, no emails, no coloring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just sit and wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll be amazed at all that happens when nothing is happening; to say nothing of the hundreds of partial conversations you’ll be able to listen in on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Where do you think we Preachers get all our ideas from?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">BP</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-78888175191550336182011-11-21T06:00:00.001-05:002011-11-21T06:00:01.948-05:00BIBLE BAG<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">There has never been a better time to be a BIBLE!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-n-ZSQ86qtMg/TsbV0f-mkWI/AAAAAAAAAlY/K8GYDFOoMPg/s1600/bible+cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-n-ZSQ86qtMg/TsbV0f-mkWI/AAAAAAAAAlY/K8GYDFOoMPg/s1600/bible+cover.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">For most of the time the Bible has been around it’s had kind of a tough go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back when the books of the Bible were first written, they were written on a bunch of different scrolls, which were then passed around one book at a time by whoever was passin’ through whatever town. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Every once in a while, somebody might try to make a copy of whatever book they had handy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes they’d make a good copy, sometimes not so great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes, whoever was making the copy would help himself to making a couple of edits or additions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know the temptation there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always wanna do that to other Preacher’s sermons; usually WHILE they’re in the middle of preaching them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyhow...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">The copies would often get lost, or burned, or torn, or buried, or rained on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But after a few centuries - all those books finally got put into one book, which most people couldn’t read because it was in a language they didn’t speak and...only about 3 people could read.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Another few centuries pass and there are better translations made, and more people learned how to read but there weren’t always a lot of copies available and the ones that WERE around were expensive and HUGE.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Fast forward a couple more centuries to today: Now Bibles are everywhere, available in a million different languages, inexpensive, compact, digital, online and they even include pictures, maps and commentaries.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">And if you still prefer the “hard copy” version you can get a cool, specially made, hand sewn “BIBLE BAG” made out of leather, with pictures of fish and palm trees on them and a strap so you can carry it around with you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Which is why I say that there has never been a better time to be a BIBLE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now if only somebody would READ the bloomin’ thing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">BP</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-21897637732599852422011-11-20T06:00:00.004-05:002011-11-20T06:00:07.191-05:00SOUPER SUNDAY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I love soup. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">It’s one of the main reasons I love the Fall. It’s also one of the main reasons I love God, my wife, Gidget, and submersible mixers. Soup gives me the strength to carry on when all of life turns against me - which is often.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Homemade soup, some crusty bread and a well-designed foreign policy could turn this country around in a heartbeat. It could also make it feel better.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">There aren’t a LOT of examples of BIBLE SOUPS - unless you count lentils (which I can personally do without). The most famous Bible Soup is whatever the stew was that Jacob made fed to Esau back in Genesis, right before he stole his birthright, the family blessing and inheritance right from under his nose. That must have been some soup. I’m guessing Tomato...with a grilled cheese sandwich on the side. Depending on how hungry I was, I’d give up half my furniture and a maybe a snow blower for THAT combo.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">This is the time of year Gidget and I really get serious about making soups at home. She laid a new Tortilla Chicken soup on me last night that made my head spin. Just for that, I went out today and got the fixin's for a Barley Veggie that will teach her a lesson. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I told you...we’re serious about this.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The best soups are the ones made at home. The chopping, the stirring, the waiting can all be part of a very relaxing process. And the soupy smells that kinda lay around in the house afterwards will make you never wanna leave.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">It’s Sunday. Church is over. Get your soup on.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nO8AYPPwla0/TsbVP9L8HoI/AAAAAAAAAlQ/-6RMUziDmtQ/s1600/Leek%252Bsoup%252B%252BPot%252B01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nO8AYPPwla0/TsbVP9L8HoI/AAAAAAAAAlQ/-6RMUziDmtQ/s1600/Leek%252Bsoup%252B%252BPot%252B01.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-1436455428932515512011-11-19T06:00:00.001-05:002011-11-19T06:00:04.825-05:00KING PREACHER<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BigpySNYgS8/TsbUh4xJUhI/AAAAAAAAAlI/MozmYSg1SZg/s1600/King+Crown.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BigpySNYgS8/TsbUh4xJUhI/AAAAAAAAAlI/MozmYSg1SZg/s1600/King+Crown.jpg" /></a></div><style>
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</style> <div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">At least once a week, my wife Gidget informs of the fact that I have become what is called in Preaching circles as “High Maintenance”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe you’ve heard of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I’ve seen you at the meeting.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">According to Gidget, I can be a little “challenging” to deal with most days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently, she thinks I can be a little whinny, a bit needy, overly sensitive, selfish, moody, obsessive, and on BAD days a sore loser.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">My response to these charges is always the same: So what’s you’re point, honey?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Of course, Gidget HATES it when I say that, but desperate times require stupid arguments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus, I have found it to be a fairly effective way to put an break into the “high maintenance” discussion long enough for me to make my escape.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">But I have to say, I think there IS a valid reason for a lot of my apparently unacceptable behavior - behavior which I must say, comes so very naturally to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have recently begun to believe that I may very well have more than my fair share of ROYAL BLOOD coursing through my veins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">No, I didn’t find a throne out in the barn or stumbled upon some royal link in the family genealogy chart. No, nothing like that.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">I have simply come to realize that I find it virtually impossible to sleep through the night if there’s a pea under my mattress. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">I don’t mean a REAL pea, of course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gidget doesn’t let me eat peas anywhere near the bed - I’m talking metaphorically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean I can’t sleep if there’s the slightest thing off about my pillow, the covers, my pajamas, the temperature, the amount of light there is in the room, or...if there happens to be a pea under the mattress. (Sometimes I DO eat peas in bed when Gidget’s out of town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shhh...).</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">I can’t help it - I’m a KING!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">Which in MY view would be GREAT for Gidget.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who doesn’t want to be married to a KING?! Who also preaches?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all have our personal dreams.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20.0pt;">BP</span></div><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-13720658687680971712011-11-13T13:23:00.000-05:002011-11-13T13:23:12.619-05:00THE NEW BP CD IS HERE!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-m3aA0iSOeHI/TsAA1FntGmI/AAAAAAAAAkw/BJMQo28dY8M/s1600/BP+CD+PIC+%25231.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="396" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-m3aA0iSOeHI/TsAA1FntGmI/AAAAAAAAAkw/BJMQo28dY8M/s400/BP+CD+PIC+%25231.jpg" width="400" /></a></div> <span style="font-size: x-large;">They said it could never be done...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Well OK, I said that...several times...a day...for 2 years...it's how I keep myself motivated.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But today, an impossible dream has been realized. Today the long-awaited, long-threatened, 49 minutes long, Brother Preacher CD is finally here! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Just in time for Thanksgiving presents!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Look out, Joel Olsteen. Wipe that smirk off your face. It's just a matter of time before I get ME a basketball stadium and a see-thru pulpit. Anyhow...where was I?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We've taken some of my finest preaching moments (from my TOKENS sermon series) and strung them together, with a couple of original preaching tunes and some soon-to-be-award-winning behind the scenes interviews, and have created what MAY be the finest collection, of stupid preaching ever recorded.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And from what people who have already heard the CD are saying, I will either be preaching in a stadium by the end of the year or disfellowshipped. It could really go either way.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Little wonder. Just take a look at some of the important church-y, preacher-y topics I cover on this CD...</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DX7qOTdWJSY/TsAA3W1ub9I/AAAAAAAAAk4/cHg4qjrXVAs/s1600/BP+CD+PIC+%25234.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="634" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DX7qOTdWJSY/TsAA3W1ub9I/AAAAAAAAAk4/cHg4qjrXVAs/s640/BP+CD+PIC+%25234.jpg" width="640" /></a></div> <span style="font-size: x-large;">The church, and my chances of being able to get a preaching job anywhere ever again, will never be the same. You better act fast. I don't think they let you sell sermon CD's if you've been disfellowshipped.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">So click on the link below to hear a sample of some of this pew-shaking, belly-aching preaching... </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="http://www.tokensshow.com/the-most-outstanding-homilies-so-far-of-brother-preacher/">http://www.tokensshow.com/the-most-outstanding-homilies-so-far-of-brother-preacher/</a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">...then go here to order your copies of my new CD today:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="http://store.tokensshow.com/">http://store.tokensshow.com/</a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Get one for your wife, one for your husband, get a couple for your kids. Kids LOVE preaching. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And be SURE and get a couple for your poor, 'ole lonely preacher. It will hurt his feelings at first, knowing that he will never be able to preach as good as me, but believe me, he will be thrilled to finally have some some fresh preaching material that he can steal and call his own. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And don't forget your FACEBOOK friends. I figure if we can get every member of this Blurch (blog-church) to order just 2 copies for every "friend" they have on FACEBOOK - I should be able to break even on this thing.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Gidget made it pretty clear that I need to break even on this thing. So uh..."Get Your Preach On" everybody.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">As together we stand and sing.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">BP</span><br />
<br />
<br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-86074928766644399432011-11-10T06:00:00.001-05:002011-11-10T06:00:02.592-05:00PREACHER PAINS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Well, I threw my back out the other day. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DKIXEX435sE/TrqGKbsBn_I/AAAAAAAAAkQ/CMvRvJ7hXdw/s1600/back+pain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DKIXEX435sE/TrqGKbsBn_I/AAAAAAAAAkQ/CMvRvJ7hXdw/s1600/back+pain.jpg" /></a></div><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Not sure what I did. Might've been the racquetball. Or maybe that set of Lexicons I moved to the upstairs pulpit. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">And I can already hear what some of you are saying, “Well, big deal, Preacher. So what? How bad can a little back twitch be? Get to work!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The term “throwing your back out” is one of those terms you hear people say all the time. It doesn’t mean anything. Until it happens to you. Once it happens to YOU - then you get it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"> I suppose a lot of life is like that. I always thought a turtle was a terrible idea for a pet - until I won one at a Preacher’s Conference for “Outstanding Announcements”. Turtles can be cool. And throwing your back out can make you think you glow in the dark.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The first time you actually “throw your back OUT” (I mean for REAL) you are instantly filled with a secret knowledge from on high. The clouds separate, the earth trembles, and a little white dove flies down from heaven, lands on your still shaking shoulder and whispers into your ear saying, “Now do you GET it, Smarty Pants?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">You try to sit down, you black out. You try to stand up, you black out. You try to make a Pop Tart, pain shoots up your back and into your arms, the Pop Tart goes flyin’ and you faint while howlin’ like a baby wolf. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">And don’t even THINK of showin’ off by puttin’ on socks or flushin’ a toilet - unless you LIKE hangin’ out on the bathroom floor for 6 hours.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Once you throw your back out you are instantly inducted into a very elite club of fellow whiners who understand what you’re going through without you sayin a word. Sigh. It's good to be in the presence of such whiners at a time like this. Group whining can be very effective.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Who cares what others think!? Who cares what the pain free say!? Let them go about their day liftin’ pans and waving at mailmen. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Just get me more Flexeril and get out of here!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP</span> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-86815485467350242852011-11-09T06:00:00.001-05:002011-11-09T06:00:06.746-05:00DON'T SHOOT! I'M A PREACHER<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I just found one of the most game-changing, Pulpit-altering innovations in preaching since the invention of the 3-point rhyme scheme. It's called...</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YKkgUf5iaO0/TrbXHhb4jVI/AAAAAAAAAkI/cyKTbW_nEwU/s1600/PastorDoNotShoot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YKkgUf5iaO0/TrbXHhb4jVI/AAAAAAAAAkI/cyKTbW_nEwU/s320/PastorDoNotShoot.jpg" width="277" /></a></div><span style="font-size: x-large;">...the "PASTOR DO NOT SHOOT" t-shirt!!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I think I just found my first product line for my website. How handy for a preacher! To actually have an article of clothing that encourages people to NOT shoot them! With THIS kind of innovation, EVERYBODY will wanna preach!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Just think of it: you're a Preacher in a Grumpy Elders meeting; just as things start to get a little on the "mouthy" side, you unbutton you're dress shirt to reveal...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YKkgUf5iaO0/TrbXHhb4jVI/AAAAAAAAAkI/cyKTbW_nEwU/s1600/PastorDoNotShoot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YKkgUf5iaO0/TrbXHhb4jVI/AAAAAAAAAkI/cyKTbW_nEwU/s320/PastorDoNotShoot.jpg" width="277" /></a></div><span style="font-size: x-large;">Whamo! You're in the clear! Preach what you want! Who's afraid of a grumpy, old elder now!?!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You're out door knockin', with a handful of Gospel Meeting Tent Revival fliers in hand. They see you coming up the sidewalk, load their gun and start to get a bead on you when at the last minute they see through their high-powered scope...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YKkgUf5iaO0/TrbXHhb4jVI/AAAAAAAAAkI/cyKTbW_nEwU/s1600/PastorDoNotShoot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YKkgUf5iaO0/TrbXHhb4jVI/AAAAAAAAAkI/cyKTbW_nEwU/s320/PastorDoNotShoot.jpg" width="277" /></a></div><span style="font-size: x-large;">SAFE AGAIN! Tent Revival fliers all around!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You're wife Gidget has had her ever-last fill of you and your stupid, non-traditional views on dish cleaning. Who cares? Just walk out the door with confidence, knowing that she will not blow your head off with her new shiny Christmas present. Why? Because you've got... </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YKkgUf5iaO0/TrbXHhb4jVI/AAAAAAAAAkI/cyKTbW_nEwU/s1600/PastorDoNotShoot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YKkgUf5iaO0/TrbXHhb4jVI/AAAAAAAAAkI/cyKTbW_nEwU/s320/PastorDoNotShoot.jpg" width="277" /></a></div><span style="font-size: x-large;">Sigh. This is great.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I wonder if I can get this in a 42 regular 3-piece suit for Sunday mornings?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">As together we stand and sing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">BP</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3363971872190778203.post-26649622779913927292011-11-08T06:00:00.002-05:002011-11-08T06:00:13.879-05:00SERMPROVISE IT!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;"></span> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I was recently asked by one of my...what’s the phrase I’m looking for...adoring, foot washing, koo koo for me fans...I guess that’s close enough. You get it. Anyhow...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I was recently asked, “Brother Preacher, is it true that you are actually a self-taught preacher?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">The answer is “no”. Though it DOES come across that way sometimes. But thank-you for the compliment. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I am actually a highly trained Minister of the Word, having studied for 9 years at the Sunshine School of Preaching, Colorado Springs.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">That’s sounds more impressive that it is considering the fact that it was only a 6-month course. Still, I enjoyed my time there - probably more than I should have.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">In the meantime I have become what is called an “Improviser of Sermons” or if you will a “Sermproviser.” I just make ‘em up as I go! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">This is why my sermons tend to have that fresh, "what the heck is he talkin’ about", “look what I found” feel about them. The reason they feel that way is because that is exactly what they are! Amazing how that works.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I love making up sermons. Unlike a lot of Preachers, sometimes, I actually LEARN something from MY sermons. That's because as I’m listening to my sermon, it is as new to ME as it is to anybody else. It's like a "Sermon Surprise" every time I open my mouth! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">It’s a weird experience, really. I had a doctor friend who used to do surgeries the same way. HE was a RIOT to hang around with, lemme tell ya! These days, he's </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">down in Arizona</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">, enjoying his time as a full-time landscaper. Anyhow...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">I think the most important part of making up or “Sermprovising” any sermon, is to not panic. Just trust that your years of study will surface at just the right time and give you what needs to be said. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">When that DOESN’T happen know that you can always depend on having a good song leader who gets bored easily and who will happily cut you off after about 25 minutes. Or 5 minutes, depending on how big the train wreck is.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As long as you have those two things - and an ample supply of stories about your kids - you TOO can “Sermprovise” with confidence knowing that...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">Oops...here comes my radio song leader - out of time! Gotta go.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">As together we stand and sing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 20pt;">BP</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0