SUPER PREACHER

The following is an excerpt from my upcoming screenplay, "THE ADVENTURES OF SUPER PREACHER".  I am accepting funding now.  BTW "(OS)" means "off screen").

 FADE IN:

INT. SUPER PREACHER'S OFFICE. DAY

Super Preacher walks into his office and looks at his vast preaching bookcase.

SUPER PREACHER

Gridget!  Have you seen my Strong's Concordance?  I have to finish my lesson for Wednesday night!  I'm running out of time!  Gridget?  Gridget!!!

GRIDGET (OS)

Did you look in the bookcase?

SUPER PREACHER

Yes!  I'm looking at it right now and...Oh! There it is.

Super Preacher pulls the Strong's Concordance off the bookshelf, opens it up and begins to read it.

GRIDGET (OS)

Did you find it?

Super Preacher doesn't hear her.  Keeps reading.

GRIDGET (OS)

I said, "Did you find it".  Preacher?  Preacher?!!  HEY!!!

SUPER PREACHER

What?!!

GRIDGET (OS)

Did you find it?!!

SUPER PREACHER

What?!!

GRIDGET (OS)

Did...you...find...it?!!

SUPER PREACHER

I said, "yes"!

GRIDGET (OS)

Well, why didn't you say so?

SUPER PREACHER

I DID!

GRIDGET (OS)

No you didn't.  What?!

SUPER PREACHER

What?!

GRIDGET (OS)

What?!!!

SUPER PREACHER

I can't understand what you're saying!!!!

Something falls out of the concordance.  Super Preacher picks it up and examines it.  He is upset and begins to shake.

SUPER PREACHER

Gridget!  I just found my Easter Sermon from 2 years ago!  It was in the concordance!  It was in the concordance!!!!!  AHHHHH!!!!

GRIDGET (OS)

What?!

Fade To Black

Roll Credits

Of course, this is better with the other scenes.  

As together we stand and sing.

BP

WHAT CAN I SAY?

I got nothin'.

As together we stand and sing.

BP 

THOUGHT OF THE DAY #11

Today's "Thought of the Day" comes to us from a Blember (blog-member) of this Blurch (blog-church) named Cassie, from Winnebago, North Dakota.  Cassie thinks... 

"I wonder what BP's Blermon (blog-sermon) will be today?"

Cassie, now you know.

As together we stand and sing.

BP

TURNED TABLES

This is going to be a highly unusual Blermon (blog-sermon) today.

As most of you know, normally this is the place you come to everyday for award-winning, spiritual teachings, world-class poetry, and first-class commentary on the state of Bible Hour Puppetry. There's no other Blurch (blog-church) like it on the net.  Or IN the net for that matter.

I am the kind of Bleacher (blog-preacher) who gives and gives and gives some more, on a semi-daily basis, just shy of it hurting.  Joel Olsteen  barely pulls THAT off even once a week.  Gimme a break. He calls THAT preaching?  Anyhow...

But today is different.  Today instead of GIVING of myself and my vast knowledge, instead of imparting universal truths that I pluck from my brain like so many cherries from a Hi-Ho Cherry-o game board, today I must ask YOU, the Blembers (blog-members) of this Blurch for help.

You see, we have another TOKENS show coming up very soon and once again, I have been overloaded in my writing and sermonizing duties.  Sadly, when this happens I tend to phone in my Blermons, much like I'm doing now.  Because when I am in TOKENS mode I kinda go into an altered state of creativity and innovation, the likes of which the world has never known.  I don't shower, I don't shave, I forget to eat.

So I'm just wondering if someone out there could help. 

While I keep typing, I need someone to go pick up my mail and put new tags on my car. 

I also wouldn't turn away a nice, homemade egg salad sandwich and a milk shake.  Easy on the mayo.


Thanks.

As together we stand and sing.

BP

WHEN NO WORDS WILL DO...

9/11

As together we stand and sing.

BP

THE FORGOTTEN BLERMON

It's Saturday night

Been busy all day

Funny how time 

Can just slip away

When you ride every ride 

With a hobo named Herman

There's no time  to write

Or Bleach a good Blermon

So now that I'm back

I focus my shooter

And type out some lines

Like a monkey computer

It's not Hemingway 

Or Cronkite or Paley

But sometimes that happens

When you Bleach semi-daily.

As together we stand and sing.

BP

BIG CHURCH

I drove past a church building the other day and nearly broke my neck tryin’ to take it all in.  The thing was huge.  I mean...monstrous.  Every part of it looked like it was trying to out do the other parts. 

From what I could tell, the entryway doubled as a roller rink; or possibly a helicopter school landing site.  The windows were so huge; if attendance ever dropped off, they could install poles with speakers on them and kick-start a new drive-in theater trend. With the correct lighting, the steeple was high enough for Governors in Russia to see IT.  The driveway was so looong and sooo wiiide.  I only wished they would’ve gone for the full effect and just manned up and covered the thing in gold.

About the moment I had thought I’d seen all there was to see of this gargantuan edifice, I noticed that there was sitting directly next to it ANOTHER HUGE church building.  I mean...HUGE.

They weren’t a few yards away from each other, either.  They were literally NEXT to each other.  Had it not ruined the big time look they were both goin’ for, they coulda thrown some string between the two buildings and talked to each other through soup cans.  They coulda shared that golden driveway. 

They were different denominations, but I’m pretty sure it was the same builder.  And clearly the second building was the builder’s second try.  And he had gotten good.

The first building was just a sampler plate; a test site.  It was the one with all the poor people in it who really couldn’t afford the “BIG” stuff.  That second building, THAT was the one.  Whatever they were preaching inside there was the place you wanted to be. They had it goin’ on.

As I sat there taking in the biggest example of steeple envy the world has ever seen, I couldn’t help but hope that after all the planning, and spending, and painting, and shinning it had taken to construct those two humble houses of prayer, I could only hope that after all of that hard work and sacrifice that...

...God could finally see them.

As together we stand and sing.

BP