BIBLE FLIP SCIPT: RED STUFF

 

Well, it’s time once again for another episode of Bible Flip Script! 

This is when I just flip my Bible open, fling my finger down on a verse and then just preach whatever verse my finger happens to land on.  It is considered by many to be some of the most exciting preaching I do.  Personally, I think the MOST exciting preaching I do is whenever I tie myself to the back of a wild boar and do a power point on the book of Leviticus.  But...to each his own.

OK, I am flipping...and flinging....and BOOM!

OK, today’s Bible Flip Script comes to us from the book of Genesis chapter 25, verse 30 where it says, “He said to Jacob, ‘Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I am exhausted.’”

You know it’s not too often that I am given the opportunity to preach on the subject of Bible hot sauce.  Not that I shy away from food preaching.  Far from it.  As many of you know I’ve preached on Splenda many times, and I have been known to throw down a little lesson or two on the spiritual power of waffles.  But hot sauce doesn’t come along nearly as often as I’d like.

And yet, here we have a specific Biblical text for it!  The story of Jacob and Esau! 

Feeling tired like Esau?  Worn down?  Had a rough day?  Have a couple spoonfuls of “the red stuff” like they did in Bible times and you’ll be feeling like yourself in no time! 

Of course, you’ll also end up losing the blessing from your father and selling your birthright to your deceitful, conniving little brother, and in pretty much screw up a lot of your life, but hey -  at least you won’t feel groggy.

Hot sauce...it’s in the Bible...I think. 

As together we stand and sing.

BP

I like to watch this once a day...don't you?

Bible Flip Scrip #3

It's time once again for... 

BP's 

BIBLE FLIP SCRIPTM!

It's the FUN way to study the Bible, where I simply "flip" the pages of my Bible then randomly stick my finger in a page, and BleachTM (blog-preach) on whatever scripture I land on.  

I LOVE this.  Here we go.

I'm flipping....

Insert finger...and...

GOT it!

Today's BIBLE FLIP SCRIPTM comes to us from Leviticus, chapter 7, verses 3 and 4.  

It reads:

3: And he shall offer of it all the fat thereof; the rump, and the fat that covereth the inwards,

4: And the two kidneys, and the fat that is on them, which is by the flanks, and the caul that is above the liver, with the kidneys, it shall he take away: 

Now I don't know about you, but this verse just makes me hungry.  What a blessing it is knowing that such a delicious recipe is right there in the Bible.

I'm frying mine.  Sounds like Bible gizzards to me.

As together we stand and sing.

BP

Bible Flip Scrip #2

Well, it's time once again for another edition of Bible Flip Scrip(ture)TM, where I just flip the pages on my Bible then stick my finger randomly into a section, then preach on whatever scripture my finger lands on.  

I LOVE Bible Flip Scrip. Saves time figuring out what to BleachTM on.  And if I draw little pictures on the edges of the pages WHILE I'm flippin', it makes a little cartoon - which I love.  Anyhow, here we go.  

So I'll just flip the pages on my Bible here.  

I'm flipping...and finger...and...BOOM!  Fantastic.

Today's Bible Flip ScripTM comes to us from Psalms 104:18 where we read:
 

"The high hills are a refuge for the wild goats; 

and the rocks for the conies."

What in the world?  

Well, here is yet another example of "Bible Verses Joel Olsteen Will Never Touch".   

Lemme tell ya, preachin's not for wimps.  It takes a REAL Preacher to do "Bible Flip Scrip" on a wacky verse like this.  Doesn't scare me though.  I'll preach on anything.  One time, I preached on Splenda.  Anyhow... 

You say, "Preacher, what in the WORLD is a CONY?"

You're not gonna believe this, but that was EXACTLY what I was thinkin' just NOW. 

There's not a LOT we know about the Cony of the Bible.  What we DO know is that there was usually more than one of 'em, and they liked to hide in rocks, usually near a goat.  

Eventually the Cony left Israel and settled near what is now New York City, on the Island of Cony.  There they established a wonderful amusement park and a delicious snack known today as the Cony Dog.  

Sadly, the Cony Cat is lost to history.  Probably didn't make the boat ride over.  Cats hate water, as you know.  And aren't too crazy about roller coasters either.  

On the other hand, I think we're all pretty clear on what a GOAT is.  And the fact that in this verse they're hidin' up in the hills makes sense considering the fact that absolutley EVERY other verse you read in the Bible about goats, has them gettin' killed or slaughtered for some dang sacrifice!  

I'm serious!  I DEFY you to find a HAPPY goat verse!

Poor little goat.  Bet he wishes he was a Cony.  

I know I do.  I LOVE roller coasters.  And hot dogs. 

As together we stand and sing.

BP

Bible Flip Scrip #1

It dawned on me the other day that over the course of this exciting, world changing blog,  I have preached my typing fingers to the bone, but have used very little actual Bible scriptures in the process.

This could have been a fatal move.  Preachers call this, "Not cool."  I'm so lucky I shower on a daily basis - because a lot of things dawn on me while I shower, and the lack of scripture in a Preaching blog just so happens to be the latest dawning.

Let's face it, a Preacher not using Bible scriptures to preach with, is like a Lion Tamer not using Bible scriptures to train lions with.

Somethin' like that.  You get it.  Anyhow...

I want to rectify this as quickly as I can, so today I wanna introduce a new recurring element to this blog called:  

Bible Flip Scrip(ture)TM.

This is how it works.  I will simply grab my Bible, flip through it really fast, then stick my finger in there and see what scripture it lands on.  I will then Bleach (or Blog-Preach) on whatever that scripture happens to be.

EDITOR's NOTE: I used to call this technique "The Flippin' Finger" but then I realized that there was no reference to "Bible" or "Scripture" anywhere in that title, which is kinda the whole point.  Plus that, my wife Gidget thought "Flipin' Finger" sounded dirty.  I won't comment on that.  Suffice to say, Gidget thinks EVERYthing that alliterates sounds dirty.

Anyhow, here goes...

I'm flipping...and now...

I'm sticking my finger on....

Genesis 15: 9!!!

I LOVE this verse.  It reads:

The Lord answered,

"Bring me a heifer three years old, 

a she-goat, three years old, 

a ram three years old, 

a turtle dove 

and a young pigeon."

Now, what lessons can we glean from this very important verse?

1.) The Lord is koo-koo crazy about farm animals and birds.

2.) While the Lord is picky about the AGE of his farm animals, he couldn't care less about the age of the birds, as long as the pigeon is "young".  The Turtle Dove apparently can be as old as Methuselah and still get called up for service.  Oh, to be a turtle dove! Whatever that is.

By the way, what in the world is a "Snapping Turtle Dove"?  How old do THEY get?  And how on EARTH do they FLY with that shell on their back?  We may never know.  Snapping Turtles Doves are a mystery to science and the Bible.  And to me.

So anyhow, that's about all I can squeeze out of this verse.  Kinda makes you wish you were an farm animal or a bird, doesn't it?  Unless of course, the Lord is having them "brought to him" for some kind of a sacrifice or bar-b-que.  In THAT case, I'd rather be a fish.

So which is it?  Service, or Supper?

We just don't know.  In order to know we'd have to, what is called in Preaching circles, "read the other verses around this verse".

Unfortunately that's not how "Bible Flip Scrip" works.  With Bible Flip Scrip you get what you get, and just go on with life and quit cryin' about it.  So get out of here. 

Powerful words.

Powerful Flip Scrip.

Powerful BlermonTM (or blog-sermon)

As together we stand and sing.

BP

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