Gidget - 1, Preacher - 0

I punched Gidget in the eye last night.

I didn't mean to.  I love Gidget.  She's a wonderful, intelligent, funny, woman who apparently can take a pretty good punch.  As wives go, she's pretty stout.  And I mean that in the best sense.  She's like a Weeble.  She can wobble but she won't pass out!


Lucky for me she did not retaliate.  Well, she tried to, but I'm pretty fast.


It happened while we were in bed sleeping.  I was in the middle of having my nightly nightmare where I find myself surrounded by a bunch of demanding Elders, creepy Worship Leaders and this mouthy, little punk Youth Minister from Colorado, all buggin' me about how my sermon series on Balaam's Talkin' Donkey is scaring the kids.


Between you and me, it's a GREAT series and if it scares the kids I really couldn't care less.  Talkin' Donkeys are cool, and kids bug me.


Anyhow, in the dream things get pretty heated, and eventually  we all start swingin' at each other.  Then I throw some communion cups at them, which really makes 'em mad. So they grab me and start tryin' to drown me in the baptistery.  That's usually about the time I wake up in a cold sweat, covered in grape juice.


But last night, instead of throwing the communion cups, I did this cool, kinda Kung Fu back-handed slap move thingy, right at that mouthy, little, punk Youth Minister's face.  And SMACK!  Got him RIGHT in the head!


Which unfortunately, was connected to Gidget's eye.


It is what we in the boxing world refer to as "a real shiner", "a meat maker", "ugly".  She looks like a very dainty version of the last scene of "ROCKY" where he's all bloody and sweatin' and slobberin', yellin'  "Adrian!"  Only Gidget's yelling at me and cryin' using words I didn't know she knew.


You say "Preacher, where is all this goin'?"


Very simply.  Proverbs 21:9 says,

"It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, 

than with a brawling woman in a wide house."

And Proverbs 21:19,

"It is better to dwell in the wilderness, 

than with a contentious and an angry woman."

I have never written a blog from a rooftop in the wilderness before, but it's not as bad as you think.  What I did NOT know was that I had an extension cord that would reach this far.  So I got THAT goin' for me.

Note to self: next time bring granola.

As together we stand and sing.

BP

Chicken Preacher

I had one long, crazy dream last night.  It was exhausting, and terrifying and strangely filling all at the same time.  I can only hope that writing about it now will help me calm down some.  Watching cartoons has only made it worse. 

All night long I dreamed I was eating chickens in a white Colonel Sanders suit.

Not MONSTER chickens or anything lke that.  Just regular 'ole chickens in a chicken coop.  All night long.  In a white suit.  It...was..chilling.

'Cause lemme tell ya, these  chickens were everywhere.  I was SURROUNDED by 'em. There were chickens of every description, just flappin' and squakin' and peckin' at me in a whirlpool of angry feathers and beaks and talons.   All I could do was grab 'em and eat 'em as fast as I could.   I stuck some of the smaller ones in my pockets for later.

The whole thing kinda reminded me of a Preacher's Potluck Fried Chicken Festival I attended one time in Muskogee.  Now THAT was terrifying.  You don't EVER wanna see a bunch of Preachers EAT when their wives aren't around.  Especially if it's FREE food.  Anyhow...

I'm still not sure what my "chicken dream" meant, or what it was trying to tell me, but it DOES explain why my pillow was in shreds this morning.   And why my wife, Gidget, had the faint smell of bar-b-que sauce on her arm.

Thank goodness Gidget's a light sleeper.  I'd hate to think of what all she went through while I slumbered and pigged out on those chickens during my midnight munch-a-rama.

EDITOR's NOTE: 

Gidget cleaned up fine with a light sponging and a Wet-nap.

So while I dont yet know what that dream meant, SOME things are obvious:

1.) Vegetarians and vegans are relieved.

2.) Pillow lovers are in shock.

3.) Gidget smells ike a Wet-nap now.

Oh, to have the gifts of dream intturpretation as Joseph did while in the service of Potifer's house.  What would HE say about my "chicken dream"?

"There will be 7 years of famine"

"There will be 7 years of plenty."

"You will work for KFC for 7 years."

"Gidget is about to market some delicious bar-b-que sauce."

"It's time to buy a new pillow."

We may never know.  

Let go into the mystery of life....

As together we stand and sing.

BP

BTW: I will say this, I will MISS that pillow.