DEALING WITH COMPLAINTS

Recently I have received several complaints that my blermons have been a bit...sparse.

To which I would respond...

As together we stand and sing.

BP

A PREACHER'S TIME MACHINE

Today has been especially fun.

I thought it was Wednesday all day.

You'd be amazed how many things that can screw up.

Reminds me of that time God stopped the sun.

I love time machines.

As together we stand and sing.

BP

A MOMENT OF SILENCE

I want us all to take just a brief moment to contemplate a couple of things...

First of all, Gidget is again leaving town tomorrow.  Which always means there is no guarantee that I will eat (veggies), exercise, or get my Blermons out on time.  

There's also the whole not wearing pants thing.  But let's not get into that here.

We can only hope she won't be gone for long this time.  As you know, this humble Preacher tends to go a little "native" after so many days on his own. OK,  maybe not "days".  It's more like after 7 minutes of her leaving the driveway.  Sue me.

Let's face it, I require a fair bit of monitoring and gentle correction.  They say Billy Sunday and Moses were the same way.  And secondly...

Is the above drawing a guy praying or some kind of featherless duck?

I really have to stop drawing with the lights on.

As together we stand and sing.

BP

PREACHER COOKING

I'm thinking of doing a Preacher Cookbook for Preachers called "Have Ye Not Houses To Eat In?"  It'll be great for folks who know the Bible and like to eat.

It will no doubt have some fig dishes in there, couple of fish recipes, maybe a manna casserole or two.  Fried Chicken?  Are you kidding? 

At the moment (dinner time) I'm willing to include any recipe you'd like to share. Even better, anyone who'd like to email me a pizza RIGHT NOW will not be turned away.  

Better yet, anyone who BRINGS a pizza TO my house in the next 25 minutes, will be greeted with a holy kiss and $500 cash money, on the barrel.

I'm starving.

As together we stand and sing.

BP

THOUGHT OF THE DAY #12

I wonder what Joel Olsteen is thinking right now?

Maybe he's wondering what I'M thinking right now. 

That would be weird.  And a little embarrassing.

Oh, hello there, Joel Olsteen.  Welcome to my mind.  I guess you know now that I was thinking about you.  Which, from what I understand, makes two of us.

OK, well...that's about all I have to say, or think at the moment so...why don't you get out of here and go write another book or somethin'.  

As together we stand and sing.

BP

SAVING ADKINS AND BOGDANOVICH

   
Unlike Joel Olsteen or Benny Hinn, I was in a movie yesterday with Trace Adkins and Peter Bogdanovich.  

Guy I'm Better Than

Other Guy I'm Better Than

Which according to MY calculations puts the latest Cool Preacher Non-competitive  Competition at:

Olsteen/Hinn: 

0

Brother Preacher: 

5,323

Let's face it, MOST preachers just can't transition from "humble servant of the Lord" to "international  movie icon" as smoothly as I can.  But as most of you know, I have the uncanny ability to both emote AND evangelize at the same time.  What can I say?  We all have our talents - SOME (like me) just happen to have more than MOST (like Olsteen and Hinn).

Though none of the producers or crew mentioned it when I arrived on the set, the relief in their eyes was obvious.  I was like the "Film Calvary".  I'm glad they kept things low key.  Fuss fuzzies focus.  Unlike the "country singer" and "the guy who made Paper Moon", my performance was going to save the movie, and everybody knew it.

Of course, by the time I reached the set, Adkins and Bogdanovich had already left.  Cowards.  But I can't say that I blame them.  No one wants to be shown up in a movie by a simple, country Preacher.  And especially by a simple country Preacher who is going to single-handedly save an entire motion picture with just 3 lines.  

You read that right...

3 lines.  That's it.  THREE.  

3 lines + BP = Movie salvation.

Surprised?  Oh, come on.  Be serious.  I'm a Preacher, for cryin' out loud.  I'm all about savin' stuff.  I've never actually baptized a movie before but I'm willing to give it a try.

I just realized this is just too big a topic for one Blermon (blog-sermon).  We're gonna have to go Blermon Bleries (sermon series) on this one. 

Sigh...movie, coffee, Blermon Bleries...life just keeps getting better and better.

Hollywood BP

As together we stand and sing.

BP

THE PREACHER STRESS RELIEVER

I have been under a bit of stress lately.  Nothing out of the ordinary really.  Just the usual Preacher stuff: Mouthy elders, Ladies Bible Class preparations, Sermon Gesture practice...

Still, I have to find some way to try to get out of my head for just a little bit and just calm down.  I've tried everything but nothing seems to be working.  

So I'm gonna have to bring in the big guns, concentrate on something that always lifts my spirits...

 (10 minutes later...)

Ahhh...that's better.

As together we stand and sing.

BP