FROM THE BULLETIN: How To Preach

The following is from the bulletin.  
Oh, shoot.  I guess I already said that in the title.  Well, guess what?  I'm gonna say it again right now:

FROM THE BULLETIN:

How To Preach

By Brother Preacher

I LOVE to preach.  What I DON’T love is coming up with sermons.  THAT’S a drag.  Or as the Greeks would say: drag-a-mite-a-wah-doh-tay. 

So here are some preacher tips I’ve collected over the years for you to remember when getting your hermeneutic on:

1.) Always use three points that rhyme, and start with the same letter.  For example: Bible, Blible, Blimple (close enough).

2.) Tell at least two jokes, one that’s self-deprecating and one about your KIDS that you completely make up but SAY is true.  Everybody LOVES jokes about Preacher’s kids - except Preacher’s kids.

3.) Poem use should be kept to a MINIMUM, and deployed ONLY in extreme preaching emergencies.  When in doubt, skip it!

4.) Close with a lost puppy story that makes everybody cry.

As together we stand and sing.

BP