Thursday, August 11, 2011


OK, I give up.

I tried sheep.  I tried glasses of milk.  I tried the fan.  I tried no fan.  I tried talk radio.  I tried podcasts.  I tried reading books.
In desperation, I even I tried imagining being on a time machine and sending myself back in time, making note of the exciting historic event of each passing year.  That ALWAYS works.  But still...

I'm wide awake.  

I mean...WIDE...awake.  

I'm so awake I could do my work out, vacuum the living room and write my BlermonTM (blog-sermon) for tomorrow (today).  As a matter of fact of those three, all I have left to do is to finish this BlermonTM.  Which is what I am doing now.  Pathetic.

The best part is that is it now officially 4:00 am.  Since I will automatically wake up at around 5:00 am whether I like it or not (as I do nearly every morning) - I've got almost 53 whole
 minutes before I can give up and start my day.

Oh, glory.

No, I didn't drink caffeine before I went to bed.  No, I'm not worried about anything.  All that's wrong is that I am awake.  Really, really awake.  I'm plenty tired.  Tired is not the problem.  The problem is this "awake-ness" thing.

This ought to be an interesting BlermonTM to read later.  While I can type this, I am incapable of reading it back to myself and have any idea what it says.  I'm awake, just not conscience.

Imagine what all I could get done if I could skip sleep EVERY night like this and do all the things I didn't get done during the day.  Just think of all the vacuuming I could do!

It's a good thing my wife Gidget is still out of town.  Being AWAKE while your spouse is sleeping is no fun for either one of you.

Thank goodness I was a Bible major.   Even in my sleep I know Proverbs or Psalms has an answer or most practical stuff.  Deuteronomy is good for any animal sacrifice questions.  Oh, here it is...

Proverbs 4:14-16 says this:

"Do not set foot on the path of the wicked    Or walk in the way of evildoers. Avoid it, do not travel on it;    Turn from it and go on your way.   
For they cannot rest until they do evil;    They are robbed of sleep till they make someone stumble."

Wow.  Um...that is...weird.  Look, I don't wanna sound all braggy, but I think I have my answer.  

According to this passage, I can't sleep because...I haven't done enough evil yet tonight. 

Wow.  Um...that's...weird.  They aren't gonna believe this down at the Preacher's Luncheon when I try to explain to them that the reason I went on a TP-ing rampage tonight was so that I could get a little shut-eye.

But it IS in the Bible so...I...guess I'd better get to my evil-sleep doing.  Here goes. Now where'd Gidget put that toilet paper?  Here it is.

As together we stand an -- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.