My wife Giget is a crossword puzzle freak.
I know what you’re thinking and no...it’s worse than that. Really. Worse.
She does crossword puzzles all the time, everywhere. On Sundays she even does them on Skype with her family. It can go on for 4 hours. The woman is obsessed.
The puzzles can be from anywhere too. She’ll do the ones in the newspaper, or from a book. She’ll even do the kid’s crossword puzzle on the back of a paper placemat at pizza joints. If you’re ever on a plane and look in those in-flight magazines with the crossword puzzles in there, and notice that someone has already completed it...in ink...just think: “Gidget Was Here!”
Knowing this about her, it explains Gidget’s animal-like attraction to ME. As they say, “Opposites attract.” So it’s little wonder why our love affair is so heated. I hate crossword puzzles. Crossword puzzles make me mad. I feel like they are mocking me; call me stupid behind my back. I often punch crossword puzzles right in the face. It’s all I can do.
Whenever Gidget gets lost in her obsession, forgetting both time and place - there is only one defense I can employ to try to get her back in the real world. I immediately feign interest and attempt to play along. This is a cruel thing to do but one must be cruel sometimes. Especially if you want dinner.
As she reads a clue I simply yell out several random words all in a row and with great earnest. Then she begins to write my bogus suggestions into the evil little boxes; realizing only too late that I was merely saying nonsense.
“Ottoman Empire” is one of my favorite fake answers. That and “The Apostle Frank”. She falls for both of these on a regular basis.
Yes, it’s true - this technique can often lead to other “cross” “words”, but I find that it’s worth it if I am able to get her attention long enough to get her in the car and to dinner. She would starve without me and my cruel ways.
By the way - my Marriage Seminar has been temporarily put on hold until further notice. Still working out some kinks.
As together we stand and sing.