Monday, September 26, 2011


 I heard one time that if you sat a monkey in front of a typewriter and gave him enough time, eventually he would type all the plays of William Shakespeare. 

That’s some monkey; and I’m guessing a fair amount of bananas.  I’d hate to see what an Emu would come up with.  Now that I think of it, maybe that’s how they wrote the 70’s mega-hit, “Threes Company”.  I always thought that show had a certain “monkey loose on a typewriter” feel to it.

Now, I don’t know whether there’s much to this whole “monkey typing” thing, but I’m willing to give it a shot.  So I want all the Zoo Keepers of this Blurch (blog-church) to know that I’d be willing to give some honest, hard-working, young monkey a try at writing Blermons (blog-sermons) for me.  He must be a self-starter, able to work with deadlines and wear pants.  I’ll provide the computer and a tire swing.  I’ll need a semi-daily Blermon (make that “daily”) roughly 2 minutes in length.  Most importantly: No Tarzan jokes.

Monkey Bleaching (blog-preaching) could be a real turning point for this Blurch.  As far as I know, it would be the only one of it’s kind in the entire Preacherhood.  Well, except for all of Pat Robertson’s stuff.  I’m pretty sure a monkey does his stuff.  And I think Benny Hinn has a goldfish writing his sermons now.  At least that what it seems like to me.

What could it hurt?  Having a monkey write my Blermons couldn’t be any worse than what I do now.  And I KNOW they’d be better than the ones I hear from a certain TV preacher who will remain nameless, but rhymes with Joel Olsteen.  For now, let’s just call him Mole Tolsteen.

The only draw back to Monkey Preaching would be finding a monkey who could actually pull off an award-winning Blermon.  I mean, nobody ever said “put a monkey at a computer and give him enough time and a Blermon will pop out”.  All that’s ever been promised was the Shakespeare stuff.  Personally, I prefer my Blermons and sermons to be Bible-y in nature.  Shakespeare just makes my head hurt, though some of it DOES remind me of King James. 

Of course, all of this is a mute point if whatever monkey I get to write Blermons refuses to also do hospital visits.  

As together we stand and sing.