Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Bible Flip Scrip #1

It dawned on me the other day that over the course of this exciting, world changing blog,  I have preached my typing fingers to the bone, but have used very little actual Bible scriptures in the process.

This could have been a fatal move.  Preachers call this, "Not cool."  I'm so lucky I shower on a daily basis - because a lot of things dawn on me while I shower, and the lack of scripture in a Preaching blog just so happens to be the latest dawning.

Let's face it, a Preacher not using Bible scriptures to preach with, is like a Lion Tamer not using Bible scriptures to train lions with.

Somethin' like that.  You get it.  Anyhow...

I want to rectify this as quickly as I can, so today I wanna introduce a new recurring element to this blog called:  

Bible Flip Scrip(ture)TM.

This is how it works.  I will simply grab my Bible, flip through it really fast, then stick my finger in there and see what scripture it lands on.  I will then Bleach (or Blog-Preach) on whatever that scripture happens to be.

EDITOR's NOTE: I used to call this technique "The Flippin' Finger" but then I realized that there was no reference to "Bible" or "Scripture" anywhere in that title, which is kinda the whole point.  Plus that, my wife Gidget thought "Flipin' Finger" sounded dirty.  I won't comment on that.  Suffice to say, Gidget thinks EVERYthing that alliterates sounds dirty.

Anyhow, here goes...

I'm flipping...and now...

I'm sticking my finger on....

Genesis 15: 9!!!

I LOVE this verse.  It reads:

The Lord answered,
"Bring me a heifer three years old, 
a she-goat, three years old, 
a ram three years old, 
a turtle dove 
and a young pigeon."

Now, what lessons can we glean from this very important verse?

1.) The Lord is koo-koo crazy about farm animals and birds.

2.) While the Lord is picky about the AGE of his farm animals, he couldn't care less about the age of the birds, as long as the pigeon is "young".  The Turtle Dove apparently can be as old as Methuselah and still get called up for service.  Oh, to be a turtle dove! Whatever that is.

By the way, what in the world is a "Snapping Turtle Dove"?  How old do THEY get?  And how on EARTH do they FLY with that shell on their back?  We may never know.  Snapping Turtles Doves are a mystery to science and the Bible.  And to me.

So anyhow, that's about all I can squeeze out of this verse.  Kinda makes you wish you were an farm animal or a bird, doesn't it?  Unless of course, the Lord is having them "brought to him" for some kind of a sacrifice or bar-b-que.  In THAT case, I'd rather be a fish.

So which is it?  Service, or Supper?

We just don't know.  In order to know we'd have to, what is called in Preaching circles, "read the other verses around this verse".

Unfortunately that's not how "Bible Flip Scrip" works.  With Bible Flip Scrip you get what you get, and just go on with life and quit cryin' about it.  So get out of here. 

Powerful words.

Powerful Flip Scrip.

Powerful BlermonTM (or blog-sermon)

As together we stand and sing.




  1. Bible Flip Scrip is also known in scholarly circles as Spontaneous Hermeneutics (which when over used and abused can lead to the spontaneous combustion of audience members, which can then lead to a spontaneous illustration of hell fire, which can then lead to a spontaneous invitation song and a 911 call). BFS (or SH) can be combined with randomly torn pages from a book of sermon outlines. This can become a fascinating attempt at record setting: how many sermons can be preached with randomly selected verses and unrelated outlines before someone complains to the elders about the lack of preparation on the part of the preacher. The way many sleep or text their way through sermons today, my guess is that one could sustain the pattern for at least 3 years (a trinitarian number of years for the enlightened).

  2. Speaking of people spontaneously catching fire during a sermon, RC points out yet another reason as to why I support separate, fire-proof Bible booths instead of pews.

    Spontaneous Hermeneutics...who knew? How helpful it would have been for me to attend a biblical training facility at some point. I'd settle for a library card.


  3. A Snapping Turtle Doves make a popping sound with there pigeon toes.

    A Snappy Turtle Dove is a Turtle Dove wearing a Tux.

    Both are equally inspiring

  4. I couldn't agree more, Glenn. Or in other word...Amen.

  5. Okay, so what does this term "Bible Scriptures" mean? Am I to assume that the BP is of the belief that there "other scriptures"? Are you really hiding some type of communistic, hedonistic, mormonistic belief system? Why not just say "bible" or "scriptures"? Are you not double dipping in using that term? Is this not like putting your whole head in the dip bowl?