Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Let’s face it, Preaching can be tough.  Especially the way I do it. Not everybody brings in a donkey and a replica of the Sanhedrin on Palm Sunday.  

But there are other reasons.

As I have described in countless Blermons (blog-sermons) before, Preaching is not for the faint of heart.  It is not for the thin of skin, or the touchy of feelings.  Preachers have to be tough.  

It reminds me of the words of that old gospel tune: “Weenies are for buns, not pulpits”.  And really, the same can be said for hamburgers...though I don’t think it’s quite as good of an illustration, or gospel song, for that matter.  Anyhow...

There are many things that can make Preaching tough.  For example: the sermons are a pain in the neck.  They just keep comin’ at you every week.  You can preach the best sermon of your life on one Sunday and then guess what?  Tuesday comes around and you’ve suddenly gotta pick up, find your concordance and your “Cool Quotes Book”, do it all again!  It’s exhausting! 

And I don’t know about you but all that READING really gets on my ever last nerve.  If preaching didn’t have all that reading and studying attached to it, it really wouldn’t be a half-bad gig.  

Unfortunately, reading is not going away anytime soon.  So we might as well just settle down and learn the alphabet now - which is what I’m doing. 

NOTE: learn the “Alphabet Song”, it’s easier that way.

But besides the sermons, there are the classes and the visits, and all the Pot Lucks you gotta pray over.  And if I have to ruin one more suit with fishy lake water, from baptizin’ some kid at church camp, I may go just go cargo shorts and never look back!

But as any Preacher knows, the biggest challenge facing Preachers today is, of course, the existence of PEOPLE. 

It is PEOPLE who cause more troubles for Preachers than see-thru pulpits and Greek Lexicons COMBINED.  And yet the church is literally CRAWLIN’ with people!

When did THIS happen?  When did all these people start showin’ up in Church?  You know the ones I’m talkin’ about.  They’re always runnin’ around with all their “faults” and “failures” and “foot pain”.  The ones with all their “thoughts” and “suggestions for sermons topics” and “opinions on my ties”.  The ones that do all the whining about their family problems, and sin struggles, and the blah blah.  The ones who get sweaty and hungry and tired and then expect me to fix it. 

The Grumpy Elder people.  

THOSE people.  They drive me nuts.

I heard the other day that church attendance is starting to go down.  I fail to see the problem here.  The way I see it, the fewer people who show up for church mean fewer problems for me. 

Which is why I wanna thank the churches out there who are doing whatever they can to keep people OUT of their churches.  You are a Preachers dream.  Keep up the good work.  Keep those numbers down.  People are just problems.  Take it from me.

And for all us Preachers, I say, “Thank you”.

I’m kinda nontraditional that way.  

Unemployed.  But nontraditional.

As together we stand and sing.