If you're gonna be preaching this morning this Blermon's for you.
I just want to remind you Preachers of a few vitally important things before you mount the pulpit today. If you AREN'T a Preacher, but KNOW some, make sure they see this before church time. It'll help.
#1: Don't go too casual.
It's fine to be relaxed, but if it looks like you just came in from cleaning out your garage, it can make your audience think you may know more about rakes than Romans. On the other hand...
Don't go too much. NOTE: a GOLD CAPE...is too much. Especially if it's hooked on by a clasp you saw on "The Real Housewives of Orange County". You're a Preacher, not a super hero.
#2: Make sure any object lessons you hold up are NOT invisible.
An invisible object lesson isn't as half as effective as an actual object that you can see. Still don't believe me? OK - look at this guy's choo choo train...
See what I mean? Not too effective...
Get REAL props!
#3: Try not to look mad when you preach. What are you so ticked off about? You're a preacher for cryin' out loud! You've got Monday's off!
#4: Never bake and preach at the same time. It confuses the people.
#5: Don't threaten to strangle people who don't wanna get baptized. It's their choice. Wait...this MAY be another invisible illustration. I can't really tell. Bottom line: don't do either one.
#6: Use a REAL pulpit!! You can't pound on this thing, and there's no where to hide stuff. If this is all you have to preach on, start asking for prayer requests. That oughtta kill about an hour and then you can make your escape.
#7: When given a choice...
...go microphone. It's 2011 in case you hadn't noticed.
#8: Whenever possible, avoid preaching from the top of a refrigerator.
Nowhere in the Bible will you find one example of the Apostle Paul preaching from the top of an appliance. And lose the lounge singer tux while you're at it. Make up your mind: sing or preach!
And finally...never underestimate the power of...the BIG FINISH!
As together we stand and sing.