Well this is embarrassing. Apparently, I have lost my wife.
I don't mean that she's left me or anything like that. I mean, I can't physically find her.
She was with me when we left Malibu (after I destroyed the scholars with my superior preaching at that conference).
I know she was with me when we played Caveman and Cave Wife on those big, cement dinosaurs in Arizona.
And I'm pretty sure she was still with me at the mall in Colorado when we stopped for Twizzlers. I'm SURE of that one because I would have NEVER stopped for Twizzlers on my own. I'm a fig guy. Like they say, "Figs: The Bible-y snack."
But then when I woke up this morning I realized that she was NOT here. Anywhere. I guess this explains why my private eye business went nowhere.
Then it dawned on me, that she was not here yesterday or the day before either.
Now let's not all get excited. I don't suspect foul play or that Gidget has suddenly decided to run off with the Dinosaur Keeper. My assumption is that this has something to do with Twizzlers. And Daniel Craig.
She loves those Twizzler things and will do almost anything to have them. She also loves that Daniel Craig guy. You know, the new James Bond guy? Funny, I always thought he was the fat guy in the Austin Powers movies. She assures me he was not. I know she's wrong. That Daniel Craig can eat.
Anyhow, so my guess is that when we stopped at that mall for the Twizzlers, she went to the movie place in the mall to get some, then saw that DC was starring in something there, went in to see both DC and the Twizzlers, and has been trapped by movie love and red dye #2 for the last 3 days.
Let's put it this way...it wouldn't be the first time.
So, I guess I'll head back there to find her. Though I feel like Daniel Craig should probably do it. After all, it's his fault. I have never seen a guy who just can't seem to keep his shirt on for 5 minutes.
It'd never work between Daniel and Gidget anyhow. He'd never appreciate Gidget the way I do, for one. And secondly, while she might be happier running around the world with an international movie star and spy, instead of with me in a portable pulpit/van playin' on cement dinosaurs, I know that SHE knows I can preach Daniel Craig under the Communion Table any day of the week. And I WILL too.
And THAT, my friends, is Gidget's soft, white underbelly. The woman is koo koo krazy for good preachin'. Who isn't?
So watch yourself, Craig.
PS - I'd take Roger Moore ANY day of the week. THAT guy knew how to keep his shirt on.
In the meantime, do me a favor and don't let Gidget know that I didn't notice she was missing the last couple of days. I just thought she was doin' a crossword puzzle.
And as far as this particluar BlermonTM (blog-sermon) goes, let's just file it under "announcements" for now.
I don't recall any Bible stories about Twizzlers right off hand.
As together we stand and sing.
BP
I don't mean that she's left me or anything like that. I mean, I can't physically find her.
She was with me when we left Malibu (after I destroyed the scholars with my superior preaching at that conference).
I know she was with me when we played Caveman and Cave Wife on those big, cement dinosaurs in Arizona.
And I'm pretty sure she was still with me at the mall in Colorado when we stopped for Twizzlers. I'm SURE of that one because I would have NEVER stopped for Twizzlers on my own. I'm a fig guy. Like they say, "Figs: The Bible-y snack."
But then when I woke up this morning I realized that she was NOT here. Anywhere. I guess this explains why my private eye business went nowhere.
Then it dawned on me, that she was not here yesterday or the day before either.
Now let's not all get excited. I don't suspect foul play or that Gidget has suddenly decided to run off with the Dinosaur Keeper. My assumption is that this has something to do with Twizzlers. And Daniel Craig.
She loves those Twizzler things and will do almost anything to have them. She also loves that Daniel Craig guy. You know, the new James Bond guy? Funny, I always thought he was the fat guy in the Austin Powers movies. She assures me he was not. I know she's wrong. That Daniel Craig can eat.
Anyhow, so my guess is that when we stopped at that mall for the Twizzlers, she went to the movie place in the mall to get some, then saw that DC was starring in something there, went in to see both DC and the Twizzlers, and has been trapped by movie love and red dye #2 for the last 3 days.
Let's put it this way...it wouldn't be the first time.
So, I guess I'll head back there to find her. Though I feel like Daniel Craig should probably do it. After all, it's his fault. I have never seen a guy who just can't seem to keep his shirt on for 5 minutes.
It'd never work between Daniel and Gidget anyhow. He'd never appreciate Gidget the way I do, for one. And secondly, while she might be happier running around the world with an international movie star and spy, instead of with me in a portable pulpit/van playin' on cement dinosaurs, I know that SHE knows I can preach Daniel Craig under the Communion Table any day of the week. And I WILL too.
And THAT, my friends, is Gidget's soft, white underbelly. The woman is koo koo krazy for good preachin'. Who isn't?
So watch yourself, Craig.
PS - I'd take Roger Moore ANY day of the week. THAT guy knew how to keep his shirt on.
In the meantime, do me a favor and don't let Gidget know that I didn't notice she was missing the last couple of days. I just thought she was doin' a crossword puzzle.
And as far as this particluar BlermonTM (blog-sermon) goes, let's just file it under "announcements" for now.
I don't recall any Bible stories about Twizzlers right off hand.
As together we stand and sing.
BP
 |
| Something else DC can't do better than me...in a suit! |
Sean Connery gets my vote, hands down!!
ReplyDeleteLarry, I think that's a fine vote.
ReplyDeleteNow, remind who Sean Connery is again. Was he that guy from Bonanza?
BP