Thursday, September 29, 2011


Let’s face it.  The world would be a better place if everybody had a Quiet Pig.

Is this controversial teaching?  Am I the first Preacher to say this?  Probably so.  What else would you expect?  I’m not like a lot of Preachers.  I’m not afraid to let people know that I for one am “Pro Pig” when it comes to Quiet Pig.

When I was a kid I had a little, plastic, pink pig that I liked to carry around with me named Quiet Pig. He was really smooth and fit right in the palm of my hand. I loved Quiet Pig.  But Quiet Pig wasn’t for everybody.  He had pretty high standards as to who could hold him and who couldn’t. 

Simply put: If you wanted to HOLD Quiet Pig, you had to BE Quiet Pig.  This is isn’t always easy to pull off - especially if you’re 3 years old.  Or, over 53.

The great thing about Quiet Pig was he only came out on certain occasions. You’d usually see him pop up all of sudden in church or at weddings, right before you were about to bust out and start acting like a maniac, drinkin’ all the communion grape juice or playin’ Ring Around The Rosey with some poor bride’s gown. 

Right at that critical moment, my Mother would pull Quiet Pig out of her purse and just look at me. I was practically hypnotized just by the sight of him.  Once I saw his beautiful, shiny, pink, plastic porkiness I would immediately stop whatever squirmmin’ I was doin’, shut my mouth and just wait further instructions. 

I knew that before I could touch him, my Mother was gonna make sure I understood what a big deal this was. Quiet Pig meant business.  It was time to pipe down.  No peace, no pig.  No Pig...a spanking was next.  Guaranteed.  So there were plenty of reasons to pay attention.

The minute I had Quiet Pig in my hand, I immediately became calm and quiet and good for hours on end.

I’m thinking of sending a crate of Quiet Pigs to the Middle East...and maybe a couple of Grumpy Elders I know.

Whatever it takes.

As together we stand and sing.


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