Tuesday, March 22, 2011

On Bended Knee and Broken Back

I hurt my shoulder yesterday moving a huge box of Bible Concordances from my living room pulpit  upstairs to the portable baptistry I keep hidden in my wife's sewing stuff.

I'm sure many of you have seen that portable baptistry before.  It's the same one I use as a dunking machine every summer at the Knuckles County fair.

I am still amazed at the number of people you can get baptized at a fair when they think it's just a dunking machine. Granted, they look a little confused when I ask to take their confession  right as their friends start chuckin' baseballs balls at 'em.

But hey - if I work fast enough, and their friends are bad shots, I usually get the job done in time.  Anyhow...

I needed to get rid of the Bible Concordances in order to make room for the new Pocket Pulpit Pull Up Bars I had installed back there - it allows me to get a little work out in while I'm preaching.  I will admit, it's a little tough getting my feet off the floor though.  Not because I'm not strong enough, but because I have a really short pulpit.  Anyhow...

I hurt my shoulder yesterday.

The day before that I burned my tongue on some berry flavored herbal tea (no cortisol).

Back in November I cut my thumb while attempting remove a label off a can of shoe peg green beans .

Sometime back in 1993 I was attempting to stand on my head while listening to yoga on tape, slipped,  fell into a TV, cut my elbow, twisted my back, and hurt my neck to the point that I STILL to this day can't look over my right shoulder without thinking that a little kid is stabbing me with a plastic dinosaur he just pulled from the fireplace.

Once I broke my toe jumpin' up and down on a movie seat.

A horse threw me through a screen door one time.

I often choke on my own saliva.

At a Holiday Inn in Wise, Virgina I knocked my teeth out while  jumpin' from one bed to another on a Hoppity Hop.

While attempting to hit a tractor tire with a bowling pin, the bowling pin bounced off the tire and into my eye, which left me blind for a week, with a concussion, and a love affair with pain killers.

From 1978-1984 I electricuted myself 16 times on an electric fence.  Two times while running from a herd of baby pigs.

I have been trampled by a herd of baby pigs exactly twice.  Each time WHILE being electrocuted by a fence.

I could go on about the chipped knee cap, the torn toenail, the smashed foot, the broken ankle, the broken heart...but I won't.

What are we saying?  Simply this...

We've all been hurt.  We just don't all have a sign around our necks with a list of them for all the world to see.   Well, I DO - but it's in the portable baptistry right now and kinda tough to get to and besides, blogs are easier.

But even without the signs to warn us of the possibly fragile person we may be meeting today, it's good to always remember that list is still there, just like ours.  And I don't know about you, but  somehow knowing that list is there makes them a little easier to take.


You're not gonna believe this...but I think I just made a POINT.  That was AMAZING.   I havn't made a point in 15 years.  Wow.  Didn't even see it comin'.

OK, so it was a little corny and maybe a little "whatever" but hey...this is ME we're talkin' about!  I'll take what I can get.  Get off my back!  No, really, get off my back.  Don't you know I hurt my shoulder yesterday?

As together we stand and sing!



  1. As Paul worte in his epistle to the Hebrews (pay no attention to those "Higher Critics" on authorship- I know what my KJV tells me is fact) the world is not worthy of thee BP! AAmen

  2. Thanks for the comments - if I get enough of them I hope to make a quilt.


  3. I once had two sheep sneek up behind me and steal my ipad. Bastards.

  4. This most recent comment by aesaint, I believe, not only deserves it's own blog POSTING from ME, but possibly an entire blog of it's very own. I'd call it: "SHEEP: Not Who You THINK They Are."