Well, I guess I'm gonna have to break down and get a tattoo.
I really don't want one. All that pinching and poking is really something I can do without. But it seems like all the cool, young Preachers have them these days, and let it never be said that Brother Preacher was remiss in the never-ending pursuit of cool. As a public figure, it's sorta mandatory for me. I have to relate to my audience at all times. As I have tried to explain to my wife Gidget, "It's a work thing".
Now that I think of it, tattoos are probably why Preachers don't preach in suits and ties anymore. Can't show off your cool, new "dragon on a flaming motorcycle" tat in a suit and tie. Gotta go t-shirt for that. Possibly tank top.
I will admit it's very effective to see a "tatoo" Preacher in action. They hold out their arms to make a point and BAM - there's that "electric skunk" tattoo on their forearm starin' right out at you. Immediately it hits you, "Hey look! That dude has a SKUNK on his arm!" And then I completely forget what he was preachin' about. Electric skunks will do that to ya.
The Tatoo Preacher also has a bit of dangerous mystique about him which I find very intriguing. You take one look at that tattoo and start thinkin', "Wow. This guy must have had some kind of WILD past! Was it the war? Prison? I wonder which mall he got that skunk tattoo from?"
Of course, once I get this tattoo idea past Gidget and my grumpy Elders, there are still gonna be 2 major problems that must be addressed:
1.) The kind of tattoo.
2.) Tattoo Placement.
In my case, the KIND of tattoo I get will be key. Like a lot of these cool Preachers, I TOO have a past, but it's not all that impressive. I don't think a tattoo of my trip to the Yangton, South Dakota Bible Youth Camp will translate all that well. So I've gotta think of something else.
Of course, people will EXPECT me to get a Bible or maybe a cross - but that's too predictable. A burning pulpit could be cool. Or maybe some spinning communion trays on a skateboard.
I LOVE Winnie the Pooh and have always enjoyed his movie work. Winnie the Pooh at a pulpit spinning communion trays could be cool, but Gidget looks at me funny when I suggest it. I think it's because Pooh never wears pants.
I could get the bunch of lines tattoo. There is a fantastic Chinese restaraunt we go to that has some pretty hip lookin' lines in the menu. I just don't wanna walk around with Lunch Specials on my neck.
Perhaps a list of my 10 best sermon ideas, or the 5 steps of salvation would work. A web address isn't a bad idea. Might as well get some advertising in while I'm being hip.
I don't care for the pictures of people tattoos. They always end up lookin' like green zombies to me. So that's out.
The Apostle Paul and Pooh reading a Bible on a motorcycle COULD be the answer. I know I've never seen it before. Lemme think on it.
Tattoo Placement is the other problem to consider - and when I really think of it, may be the deal breaker.
You see, in my case, WHEREVER I decide to put a tattoo is going to be problematic in that the proposed spot on my body for pricking will require a fair amount of shaving and sit ups. Neither of which interest me in the slightest.
When old guys get tattoos I think they fail to consider this important fact. When young guys get tattoos they fail to realize that what is today's firm and sexy will be tomorrow's loose and saggy.
"Think Before You Ink"
BP, circa 1971
As together we stand and sing.