BLISHIONARY TRIP

There has been a lot of non-verbal chatter going on lately all throughout this BlongregationTM (blog congregation) regarding my lack of a new full-time Preaching gig.  

I know it's non-verbal because I havent' actually heard anyone saying anything , but I DO notice that the voices in my head are gettin' louder.  I think my head voices are getting ready to have a WWF SLAM- FEST over it.  So SOMETHIN'S goin' on.  It can get pretty noisy in there some days.  I mean in my head, not the WWF.  Anyhow... 

You say, "Preacher, what's all this about?"

As many of you know, I was recently unceremoniously let go from my  full-time Preaching gig  because of a slight misunderstanding regarding the  end of the world.  

(see this blog 5/23/11 - http://brotherpreachercantype.blogspot.com/2011/05/as-i-was-saying.html).

Apparently, I didn't come down on the right side of THAT little debate. I'm not alone.  There are literally 10's of us all over the world who fell for that crud.

Which is why there was that little issue of me selling the house my wife Gidget and I were living in - which woulda been FINE,  IF we had owned that house BEFORE I sold it.  In this case, the house happened to belong to the church.  I'm not what you call "detail oriented".  Especially when the world is ending. 

My bad.


Under normal circumstances, I probably could've survived such a miscalculation (I once survived 3 Baptism disasters in the same day and was kept on as the Assistant Pulpit Preacher - don't ask.  Suffice to say, if you call "sprinkling" "baptizing", you wouldn't understand anyhow).  

But this particular goof landed me in the "Hot Water of Unemployment".  Which for a Preacher can be tough. There just aren't a LOT of jobs open to a guy with my skill set: Talking, Preaching, reading the Bible, doing flannel graph sermons on a Joy Bus, baptistery heating, the ability to eat 4 fried chickens in a single sitting. It's what is called a "focused" skill set.  The lack of practical, world skills is one reason Preachers MUST preach.

But I want you to know that Gidget and I have landed on our feet, have put our things back in storage and are enjoying our first  "wandering missionary journey" throughout  the southern United States.  It is amazing how much you can get into a Subaru.  Plus it's strong enough to stand on when I need to preach.  

Soon folks throughout the entire South will finally know about Jesus.  It's more of a mission field than you might expect.  Sure MOST people here are Christians - the trick is to find the 4 or 5 who aren't.  You know, those guys who moved down here from New York City and have never heard of Jesus.  OK, 2 guys.  OK, 1 guy and a puppet.  

Talk about findin' a bent needle in a needle factory!  It wont be easy.  But we are committed to it.  

And...we don't really have a choice.  This blogging business isn't exactly Bill Gates-worthy bread.


Still...we Bleach on!


As together we stand and sing.


BP

Mechanical Missionary

What an exciting morning it has been.  What started out as just another trip to the mechanic's shop, has suddenly transformed into my very first IMPROMPTU MISSIONARY JOURNEY!

(INSERT WILD APPLAUSE HERE)

It all started early today when I dropped my car off at my mechanics shop.  I knew the car was going to absconded for most of the day, so I had planned on sitting at the shop, and sample some of the delicious coffee while I made  up names for the other customers who came in after me.

I love that game.  Sometimes I make up the weirdest names I can for them, then assign each of them some terrible, tragic back story that matches the name.   It's a GREAT game.  For about 8 minutes.

Then you realize you're sitting in a waiting room at a shop, drinkin' coffee, reading a ROD N REEL magazine from 1994.

It was at that moment it hit me: Wait a minute.  I'm a dang PREACHER!  I will get up from here,  traverse the town and PREACH!   A missionary journey while I wait !  Just like the Apostle Paul.

Only it'll just be for a couple of hours, of course. And I'll probably have to get lunch sometime in there.  And I would PREFER that there be a minimum amount of prison time and persecution involved.  And I DON'T wanna get snake bit.  Beatings are out too.

But other than that...pretty much a missionary journey...just like Paul! 

And what a surprise it will be to all the unsuspecting victims who have the misfortune of crossing paths with me on my journey.  Very few people EXPECT to EVER be preached at by a traveling preacher waiting on his car to be fixed.  Surprise evangelism can be  most effective.  

Reminds me of a poem I'm about to write...

Another run of answered prayer

Another dream come true

Another victim standing there

My sermon is set loose

Set loose upon a sleeping world

That doesn't get the pit-cha

While oil is changed and tires are twirled 

My sermon's gonna git cha!

Brother Preacher

Circa, 20-this morning

Well that's the plan, anyway.  So far I've only made it to the Coffee Shop in town.  I haven't done any actual preaching yet either.  The guy at the counter said I needed to let my herbal tea steep for about 15 minutes first.  So there was that.  Then I had to eat a muffin.  I said "no raisins" or course there WERE raisins all through it.  So have to eat around those.  It all takes time.

Then of course, I have to sit here and get this blooming blog out - which by the way could've been done already if the lady sitting next to me could've shaved about 45 minutes off her FASCINATING tale about how her kid plays soccer and her other kid plays softball, and she USED to play the saxophone and oddly enough was not interested in going to Penn State anymore.  And her quilt is almost done.  And she bores people to death.  And her friends have all moved away 'cause they can't stand her boing stories, or that laugh.  And her husband wants to kill her.  As do I.

How does she do it all?  How have I not killed her yet? 

Persecutions all around me - thwarting my preaching.  My missionary journey already in crisis.  I hate raisins.  I hate this lady!  I hate quilts!  Shut UP!!!

Sigh...where was I?  Oh, who cares?  My tea is cold now.  Who has EVER steeped tea for 15 minutes?!  That's insane!   That kid has no idea what he's talking about.  The culture is so different on a missionary journey.  I guess I'm having what they call, "culture shock".  In THIS land they give you cold tea, and raisins and bore you til your dead.  It's tough here in the mission field.   Who puts raisins in muffins anyway?

I yearn for HOME!  Where the heck is my CAR?! 

Still...I preach on...with another poem I'm about to write...

So change a plug and fill the fluid

Take all day, I do not care

While you lube, I will be preaching

Sermon victims best beware

With my car still at the station

And my tea now cold as ice

I'll make for me an illustration

I can use this Sunday Night

A story 'bout the yakking wife

 Annoying all with  boring fables

And how a preacher killed her twice

First in his mind, then with a bagel

I just want to end this blog

And get on with my journey

The yakking's put me in a fog

Will you please stop talking?  

What is the MATTER with you!?  

I'm trying to write here!?  

I'd leave but I can't 

because I don't have a CAR

 I'm on a missionary journey! 

I can't hear myself THINK !!

I don't  know what I'm writing

I stopped rhyming seven lines ago!  

Where's my tea!!!???

Get these raisins out of here!

AHHHHH!

I said, "AHHHHHHHH!"

Brother Preacher

Circa, please shut up.

As together we stand and sing.

BP