Friday, May 20, 2011


The following is an excerpt from my upcoming autobiography,

"The Last Great Preacher".  

I am currently looking for a publisher, and will continue to do so for the rest of today.  

Of course by Saturday (tomorrow), it'll be too late.  

So if you know any publishers who I could call sometime today - please give them my name, and this excerpt.  And the link to this blog, of course. I need all the followers and page hits I can get.

Thanks - BP


There once was a handsome, fit, award-winning Preacher (who at one time could've been a male model with the right head shots and breaks), who spent his last week on earth unselfishly warning his semi-global audience that the world was coming to an end.

He even did it on the LAST day of the world (that's TODAY, by the way), when he could've been watching movies and practicing his Tie Kwon Don't.  

"What an amazing guy," thought all the others.

But naturally, there were OTHER others (there always are) called doubters, and scoffers of the Preacher's compelling message of doom.  Even his wife, Gidget,  and Mother thought he was just kiddin' around.  However he was not.  He was dang serious.

Often, in his private time between writing his award-winning blog, and autobiography, and coming up with sermon ideas, the Preacher referred to himself as Noah.  Noah, of course, was also a Preacher who preached to a bunch of mouthy doubters and mothers and wives.  

But after the flood, Noah was the one who was still alive and then got drunk on a nice, dry mountain, while his scoffers were taking bets on how long they could doggie paddle.

Then the Preacher let everyone know he would NOT be getting drunk on a mountain after the world ended.  Which made his mother happy, to say nothing of Gidget. 

And it came to pass that on the last day before the world ended, the Preacher found a publisher for his autobiography and made a million bucks, which he gave to flood victims in honor of Noah.  After he got a cool car.

(of this excerpt)

Not bad.  

I shoulda been writing autobiographies for years.  

So anyhow, as you know this IS the LAST day of the world.  I think I've said what I need to say on this topic.  If you don't get it by now, you're on your own.

I still dont know if I'll be BleachingTM (blog-Preaching) tomorrow or not.  Depends on what time the world actually ends.  But check back just in case.

So anyhow - good luck, wear clean underwear, and don't blame me if you find yourself in agony and eternal flames by tomorrow night.

Boo woo, for you.

1 DAY 

As together we stand and sing.


Second Coming Cam - live shot


  1. While I still find myself a bit of a doubter, I can not help but like to be prepared. There is always that little voice in my head asking me 'what if'. So in order to cover all my bases I am laying out clothes for my kids as I want them to look nice for tomorrow. I always make sure they have clean underwear. Number one question on my sons mind is .... boxers or briefs??

  2. BP - This is truly a sad day. I feel like I'm just getting to know you, and here it is, the end of the world. Do you believe that all blogs go to heaven?

  3. I just saw a cicada in boxers.

  4. I hope to see a blog from me tomorrow as well, but no promises. Not sure how long it takes to float to Heaven from here.

    If the Cicadas are going boxers (thanks for the heads up, BTW), I'd put the kids in briefs - you'll want to separate yourself from the Cicadas as much as you can - they are evil and WILL be destroyed. Boxers will be an identifier.

    I don't know that ALL blogs go to heaven, but chances are good that MOST Twitter accounts will - In other news, very few Preachers will make it. No surprise there - I'm going to be very busy.

    Strap in, everybody - going get interesting. I'm eating ice cream from now til midnight.

  5. That was from me - BP - things are already getting weird..


  6. As together we stand and sing. Isn't that what we'll be doing in heaven Sunday morning? BP, you're ahead of the curve!!

  7. Thanks, Larry - finally someone has noticed my brilliant talent for prophesy.

    Crud - I HOPE we're not STANDING that whole time AND singing.

    I'm doomed.


  8. Unfortunately we have a ninetieth birthday party for my dad in Kearney today so I'd prefer the end of the world be put off a few more millenniums if it's all the same with you BP? I'm assuming a man of such power and wisdom like yourself must have some pull with the big guy...right??? Thank you in advance for your assistance in this matter. I knew I could rely on you in a pinch. Better stop standing around and start getting some work done old man. You've got a party to save! Sincerely ..... Lmoe