Saturday, April 9, 2011

Semi-Faily, Semi-Truck, Semi-Daily, Just Enough.

A little while ago, I got this comment from "The Wolfman" that I thought was vital.  He wrote:
"Does the word "semi-daily" indicate a lack of faith? 
What if Jesus only preached "semi-daily"? 
What if He only healed "semi-daily?" 
Now lemme just say right off the bat, I had NO idea that the Wolfman could even TYPE, let alone ask a question.  I've always loved his movies, but had always assumed he couldn't get power or a WIFI signal runnin' around out there in the woods like he does.  Maybe he comments while in his non-wolf state.  I'm not a wolf scientist, so I'm kinda guessin' on a lot of this.  We may never know.  Anyhow...
His comment is a good one. Does the fact that this blog is "semi-daily" indicate a lack of faith?  
Short answer: no.  
Longer answer: No, not at all.
The fact that this is a "semi-daily" blog instead of a "daily" or "minutely" or even "secondly" blog, is due to the fact that I know ME very well.  I remember me in school. I've seen the report cards.  I know what to expect from me.  It's not pretty.  I spent a lot of time creating my own recesses.
I also know that I've been preaching since I was in Junior High and have never held down a REAL job.  
In short: I know that I could easily forget that I even HAVE a blog, let alone need to write in it every day.  
So it was not a lack of faith that I named this blog "semi-daily", it was merely an example of my superior planning skills at work once again.  I simply named what I assumed this blog would become: Semi, sub-par, and eventually abandoned.
But to my surprise this blog (so far) has not been "semi" ANYthing!  To the contrary, it has been quite the little "DAILY Preacher" in spite of the title. Through rain, and sleet, and travel and my busy TV watching schedule I have Bleached TM On every day for weeks!!     
Think about THAT for a minute.  I'm actually accomplishing something.  The end must be near.
Later on in his comment, Wolfman also alludes to the fact that Jesus did not preach or heal on a semi-daily basis.  Nothing could be further from the truth, Wolfy.
Look, everybody knows Jesus didn't heal or preach on a daily basis.  Preachers have been taking Monday's and Thursdays off for generations.  And every faith healer I've ever known usually takes off Tuesdays too.  Faith Healers tend to wear out faster than Preachers.  Not sure why.  Could be all the jumpin' around.
Jesus was a preacher.  I am a preacher.  Which is why I know what the heck I'm talkin about.  Trust me.  Jesus didn't preach every bloomin' day.  Shoot, he took off 40 days right when he started his preachin' career and went to the desert, I believe originally to go campin' - 'course then Satan turned up and kinda put the ki-bosh on THAT plan.  Anyhow...
Finally, Wolfman's most disturbing comment he saves for last.  He writes,
(ouch.) "
Clearly, my first guess was right.  Wolfman had been typing this comment while in his human state, then suddenly  began to turn back into The Wolfman.  We know this from the wolf-like howling symbol above, followed by the creepy laugh into weird-o howl.  He then apparently drops something on his foot, because he says "ouch."
I hope he's OK, though he probably deserved it.  Wolfmen tend to get  a little crazy without a wife around to kinda keep things in line.  I should know.  Gidget's still out of town and I haven't worn pants or showered for 3 days.
I love comments with sound effects by the way.  Example: (ouch) 
Here's another good one:
(Sigh).  What was I talkin' about?  Oh, who cares?
 As together we stand and sing.


  1. What a mess this is - I've tried to fix the spacing on this thing 5 times to no avail. Clearly, this posting is haunted. Sorry, Blurch. I stand amazed...

  2. you are the funniest guy in the universe. thank you for making me laugh til i my pants.

  3. Finally, SOMEone has been able to articulate the true purpose of this Blurch. "To help people laugh til they pee in their pants." I'd like to see those fancy TV preachers pull THAT off. Thank you, Mukara. And I hope you have extra pants handy.

  4. Ah what a blessing to have the BP post posted so early! It means there is a shorter fasting time between my 3am slice of pie and that first meal of the day which can only be eaten after the post. That brings me to a novel idea. I suggest that the first meal after The SDP post be called breakfast. I know that some narrow minded critic will complain that that is stealing someone's idea, but who cares? This is a preaching blog and preaching is all about stealing another preacher's sermon which was stolen from someone else. Preaching is the original recycling program. If there is too much concern, I can settle with calling it fast-break (we all know from those action shots of BP playing hoops and two blogs on the final four that basketball is close to his heart). Well, its time for lunch!
    PS. BP do you have any idea why i am gaining weight? Is it because of this blog? Please advise!

  5. Dear BP,

    Despite being named after a bunch of oil spillers, you are rapidly becoming one of my top 50 favorite blog preachers who type in English. My secretary (Bertha) reads your blogs into a tape recorder for me, so I can enjoy your sermons on the road or anywhere my Walkman allows me to roam. Bertha has really sunk her teeth into the "Gidget" role, and asked if you could let her guest-bleach one of these days. Sometimes Bertha yells at me and bats at me with an old fly swatter I keep in my waste paper basket next to my desk, just because she imagines Gidget doing the same thing. She also asked for your BBQ sauce recipe.

  6. You literally make me laugh aloud everyday BP. Thank you. Makes me wish I had really appreciated my own preacher more growing up. We sometimes don't realize how awesome something is until it's gone and then we spend our lives regretting that we didn't take full advantage of a great thing when we had it. You remind me to smell the roses and be thankful. Pants and no showering...amazingly funny dude.