Sunday, April 10, 2011

Church Service Survival #1

I'm not one of those preachers who doesn't understand the challenges of sitting in a pew.  

Pews can be tough to deal with.  Too hard, too soft, no reclining mechanism.  There's a reason why people don't put pews in their living room in front of the TV.

Depending on the pew, just getting through church can be a real challenge.  And depending on the Preacher you're listening to while sitting in that pew, the whole experience can border on abuse.  

Throw in some of those new-fangled church tunes where they sing "glory and praise, praise and honor and glory" 52 times in a row, and you are looking at the possibility and losing your mind entirely.  I think you might even have enough for a lawsuit.  I'm not sure who'd you sue, but I get on it if I were you.  You're NUTS!  Anyhow...

This is why it is so important to have survival techniques to get you through those particularly tough services.  For me, a "tough service" is any service in which I am not the one doing the preaching.  When I'm not the one preaching, I  get really bored and confused.  Sometimes that happens WHEN I'm preaching too but, not nearly as often.

So when I find myself having to endure a sermon where I know the guy is clearly making it up as he goes, or a song service that has a bass line impossible to find, I simply return to the mantra I have said to myself since the 90's.   It is an original poem I wrote  that has seen me through some tough, mind-numbing, intellectually draining services. It goes like this:
A song, a prayer
Some underwear
A sermon leaves you vexed
The only way to get through church
Text and text and text.

Brother Preacher

Powerful words.
Powerful poem.

Funny underwear line.

I hope this helps you today as you try to get through someone else's sermon. Thank goodness I'm preaching today.

And together we stand and sing.



  1. Never had that problem in church or pastor was a total nutjob and was usually "right on the mark" with his messages.

  2. I spent years listening to a guy from Otter Creek who made cement look exciting. Russ doesn't get on here, does he?

  3. BP, those of us members of your blongregation have noticed something strange about you. No, seriously, I'm wondering why you haven't bleached about giving yet? (note the question mark) Why not set up a Paypal link for members of your block to share in your blinistry?

  4. Thanks for the business tip! I've already got a call in to La-Z-Boy to pitch the idea for a La-Z-Pew! It'll have a communion cupholder, hymnal/bible pocket and an EZ-Fleecey seat cushion which encourages change to drop out of pockets for post-service collection.