Friday, April 22, 2011


Whenever it rains "crazy" several days in a row like it has  here, I like to pretend I'm Noah. 

This is not unusual for me.  I often pretend to be Bible characters depending on the weather. When it's really hot, I'm Moses in the desert.  In "the fall" I'm always Adam... POST-Garden of Eden time (I did it "Garden of Eden time" once, went to Home Depot for some gardening tools then realized, I didn't want to get out of the car).  

In the winter, there aren't a LOT of good Bible character choices, so I usually just go with Jeremiah Johnson and call it good.  The prophet Jeremiah in Utah.  

Frog season I'm always Pharaoh.  Anyhow...

In the rain, I'm Noah.  Which basically means, I put on my bathrobe and sandals, lock up all the doors and windows of my house (except for ONE tiny window in the attic), and then fill the house with all the animals I can trap and stuff into my living room.

Needless to say, the insights I have received from this exercise have been life changing!  I may never preach on Noah the same again.  Here are just a few of my observations - 

1.) Animals you lock in your house are hard on rugs.  It's amazing how quickly you come to appreciate the specific challenges faced by Noah sharing an ARK with a bunch of wild animals when you are sharing your HOUSE with a horse, three flyin' squirrels, 2 geese and a raccoon. Let's just say there is not enough "Pet Spray Carpet Cleaner" in the world to keep up. 

Which brings me to my second valuable insight - 

2.) One tiny attic window does NOT make for ample ark ventilation.  See item #1.  I mean it is SO not enough ventilation.  It'll make your head spin - my eyes are still burning.

3.) Geese and raccoons are NOT good playmates.  Raccoons are kinda mean when they get hungry.  And Geese have a pretty nasty bite considering they don't have any teeth.   But surprisingly, in a fight between a goose and a raccoon, put your money on the goose.

4.) After 2 days, flying squirrels begin to look an awful lot like rats with wings.

And finally - 

5.) MRS. Noah is not the team player I thought she was.  We all have our limits.  For Gidget, its her carpets.  She  ALSO has a pretty nasty bite.  In a fight between a goose and Gidget, put your money on Gidget.

And you thought you KNEW the story of Noah. 

Sure makes me understand a little bit more why he got drunk after he got off that ark.  I got rid of MY animals yesterday and I'm having a strong urge for a Nyquil nap and some cookies.  After I throw out the rugs, of course.

As together we stand and sing.



  1. And as the church sign told me this week: "The ark was built by experts, the Titanic was built by amateurs." I'm sure that there is a wonderful 12 week series built on that gem of an insight. Preach on BP!

  2. >Brother Preacher, if you are tempted to build an ark, just remember, it took Noah 100 you might want to use a few power tools.
    >Take some crickets with you....Field crickets can tell you the temperature. Count the number of chirps in 15 seconds and add +37 and you will have the approx. temperature in Fahrenheit.
    >Gidget told me to tell you not to forget your "water wings"...whatever that means...