Friday, April 15, 2011

Gidget - 1, Preacher - 0

I punched Gidget in the eye last night.

I didn't mean to.  I love Gidget.  She's a wonderful, intelligent, funny, woman who apparently can take a pretty good punch.  As wives go, she's pretty stout.  And I mean that in the best sense.  She's like a Weeble.  She can wobble but she won't pass out!

Lucky for me she did not retaliate.  Well, she tried to, but I'm pretty fast.

It happened while we were in bed sleeping.  I was in the middle of having my nightly nightmare where I find myself surrounded by a bunch of demanding Elders, creepy Worship Leaders and this mouthy, little punk Youth Minister from Colorado, all buggin' me about how my sermon series on Balaam's Talkin' Donkey is scaring the kids.

Between you and me, it's a GREAT series and if it scares the kids I really couldn't care less.  Talkin' Donkeys are cool, and kids bug me.

Anyhow, in the dream things get pretty heated, and eventually  we all start swingin' at each other.  Then I throw some communion cups at them, which really makes 'em mad. So they grab me and start tryin' to drown me in the baptistery.  That's usually about the time I wake up in a cold sweat, covered in grape juice.

But last night, instead of throwing the communion cups, I did this cool, kinda Kung Fu back-handed slap move thingy, right at that mouthy, little, punk Youth Minister's face.  And SMACK!  Got him RIGHT in the head!

Which unfortunately, was connected to Gidget's eye.

It is what we in the boxing world refer to as "a real shiner", "a meat maker", "ugly".  She looks like a very dainty version of the last scene of "ROCKY" where he's all bloody and sweatin' and slobberin', yellin'  "Adrian!"  Only Gidget's yelling at me and cryin' using words I didn't know she knew.

You say "Preacher, where is all this goin'?"

Very simply.  Proverbs 21:9 says,

"It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, 
than with a brawling woman in a wide house."

And Proverbs 21:19,

"It is better to dwell in the wilderness, 
than with a contentious and an angry woman."

I have never written a blog from a rooftop in the wilderness before, but it's not as bad as you think.  What I did NOT know was that I had an extension cord that would reach this far.  So I got THAT goin' for me.

Note to self: next time bring granola.

As together we stand and sing.



  1. Well I must say that it all sounds plausible, blaming the punch on a dream, and if Gidget buys it, so be it--good for you. Still, there is that preacher in TN who ended up dead with his wife standing over him with a smoking shotgun (and I think with a pair of red high heels). Preacher beware.
    P.S. I do love the story about Baalam's talking ass (and it is so fun to say that during a Ladies Bible class and watch them get flustered just before they draw out their concealed carried weapons). God must have a sense of humor working out that clever play on words while inspiring scripture!

  2. AND rcorley53, she walked away from it; smoking gun and all. I know there is a lesson in there somewhere... Maybe the law recognizes the great and tremendous difficulty in being married to a preacher. poor Gidget.