Saturday, June 4, 2011


The pressure's on.

As members of this semi-global BlongregationTM know, today is my niece's wedding.  Which only means one thing:  


If you're not a Preacher you won't understand that.  You see, MOST folks think that weddings are about the cake, the dress, the bride, or possibly the "after the ceremony" reception dance moves of that annoying little 6 year old kid who CLAIMS he's Break Dancing.  

All weddings have those dumb, little kids.  I can't STAND 'em.  For the record that kid ISN'T Break Dancing!  He is simply doing what is called: "Rolling Around On The Floor In Your Church Clothes."

I will never understand why everybody's always so impressed with that cocky, little punk.  I've been "Breakin'" since I was 35, I should know what it's supposed to look like, but nobody claps when I do it.  Barbarians.  Anyhow...

The pressure is on for me today not only to take over when the scheduled Preacher passes out or drops dead in the middle of the ceremony (which happens all the time.  It's why I go to weddings in the first place.  It's called: Emergency Preaching), but more importantly to perform my obligatory wedding miracle.

This all started with Jesus, of course.  When he was at the wedding in Cana, his mother asked him to change water into wine.  So he did it and everybody got happy.  Once again, the Bible proves that people love magic tricks at weddings.  And as a Bible-based, "with it" Preacher, I recognize this fact and never disappoint.

Often, preparing for my wedding miracle can take more time than the sermon itself.  And that makes sense.  Look, miracles can be tough to pull off these days.  Audiences just aren't as easily impressed as they were in Jesus' day.  I blame the Internet.  And roller coasters.  

You'd think turning water to wine would be fairly easy to pull off - it is not.  Personally, I think baptizin' a fat guy is easier.  And THAT is tough to pull off, take it from me.  Fat guys tend to float on ya.  Anyhow...

Doing the water to wine thing will be tough to pull off today primarily because this IS Oklahoma.  While they do love their Bible here, they prefer their own reading of it whenever possible.  So, instead of "Water to Wine", I'll probably have to settle for "Water to KOOL-AIDE."

Won't be nearly as impressive, I know, but it oughtta save me from gettin' another dis-fellowshipment.

The good news is, so far this morning, my warm-up sessions have been going pretty good.  I've already changed my orange juice to water and my coffee to decaf.  

Don't believe me?  Take a look.

As together we stand and sing.



  1. Instead of the Wedding Singer-------You are the Wedding Preacher!!!!!!

    BP, BP, BP is our Man if he can't do it than Nobody can!!! GOOOOOOOOOOO BP!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. I'm sure I've asked you to marry me 10 times. And perform the ceremony! Gidget can come too! xo