Thursday, March 31, 2011

Buckle Your Bible Belt

I have to admit, I was not prepared for the exciting, miraculous news that greeted me this morning as as logged on to tap out yet another scripture-packed, wisdom-rich, award-winning blog-a-serm.  But whether I was prepared or not,  it was news that certainly caught my attention, and sent  me reeling back into my chair so hard I nearly flung myself into the baptistry.

What was this world-shaking news?  Simply this...the 9 followers this blog enjoyed just yesterday, has somehow miraculously, over night, EXPLODED into a mammoth sum of 17 today!

Can you believe that?  Are you hearing what I'm saying?!  Are you familiar with the number 17!? 

This is huge. 

And if I spell it out , it looks ever bigger.  Seven-teen!   See?

Put it in all caps and it's even MORE impressive:  SEVEN-TEEN!

Bold it and look how big it gets: SEVEN-TEEN!

And look at it now: S-E-V-E-N-T-E-E-N!!!!

Frankly, by all this news. Gob-smacked, really.  Speechless.  Well, I can always find SOMEthing to say, but you know what I mean.

I am also very grateful.

But...I am also cautiously wary.

You see, I've been preaching for a long time now, and  blog preaching (or Bleaching) for almost 2 weeks, and I know that as wonderful as it is, this kind of unexplained growth CAN lead to disaster.  Especially for me. 

As a frequent visitor to The Semi-Daily Preacher, a person by the name of "Anonymous," wrote just this morning:

"What is this phenomenal growth? 
9 yesterday and 17 today. 
This is a revival as we march toward 25 
(the top number of a BP church before a split), 
that magic number (12+12+1: notice the trinitarian pattern?) 
Could 25 trigger the rapture? 
Who knows?
Buckle your bible belt, follow, and find out.  

Note the crazy talk embedded in this comment:  " split...magic number...rapture...march...trigger..."

What is Anonymous saying?  Does HE even know?

And even more disturbing, note at the end of this comment, when Anonymous signs the comment "Rcorely".  Who the heck signs an anonymous comment?

Well which is it?  Anonymous?  Or Rcorely?  Is it both?  Is there yet ANOTHER name Anonymous would like to bring into the mix?  What's going on here?

Very simply, this kind of early morning typing madness is a result of what is called, Unexpected Accelerated Growth or UAG.  And "Anonymous Rcorely" is clearly suffering the consequences. But, he is not alone.

Another commenter from yesterday wrote simply: 

"I love mustard."

Well now, what the HECK is THAT supposed to mean?   Who knows?  

What we DO know is that this commenter apparently...loves mustard.  But what about ketchup?  Relish anyone?  Are pickles not worth a mention? 

What's happening?  We may never know.  What we DO know is that UAG appears to have claimed another victim.

Clearly, these are just two examples of what happens when growth occurs too quickly in the blog-a-church or "Blurch"  as I've come to call it...just now.  When a Blurch grows too quickly, people can lose their minds, as well as control over their typing fingers.  Before they know it, they're signing comments  with 4 or 5 different names, or blabbing recklessly about various condiments.  

Others simply stand idly by and watch.  Unable to help.  Unable to figure out what to say.  Unable to figure out how to use the technology necessary to even leave a dang comment.   Tragic.  

Thank you UAG...thank you...for NOTHING.

Needless to say, this is a critical time for "The Semi-daily Preacher."  It appears UAG is going to be the cross we must bear at least for now.  If we keep at the pace we're going now, we could easily hit 4 million Followers by  next Tuesday.  Strap in, everybody.  Bumpy road ahead.

So we have to be ready.  We have to be there for each other. 

We must, as "Anonymous Rcorely" has said, 

"Buckle Your Bible Belts!"

"Love mustard."


As together we stand and sing.



  1. Don't worry. Surely the Republican controlled Congress will quickly pass a law righting this wrong, and standing up for the poor and oppressed.

    Wait, what? Oh sorry Toby - wrong Blog

  2. I have a question. Some call blogs an evil innovation, a tool of Satan, and therefore condemn this blog as unbiblical. I assume that like Jewel Miller using the technology of the filmstrip, or the radical church of Christ member who decided to use a pitch pipe for the first note of a song, that BP is leading the way into the future. Sure some argue that the Apostle Paul did not blog. I answer them: maybe he did but called himself "Anonymous" for fear of offending the weaker brother. Brother Preacher, what wise counsel do you provide your followers (18 of us) to prepare us for the debates sure to emerge in this hot controversy.

  3. Does the word "semi-daily" indicate a lack of faith? What if Jesus only preached "semi-daily"? What if He only healed "semi-daily?" Where is your courage? (Semi-daily...?)


    Hehehehehehehehehehheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (ouch.)

  4. I shouldn't have read this so late. I'm scared to go to sleep. What if others choose to follow tonight? I'm dreamin' about sheep and my Ipad2 and then, WHAM, UAG!!! I may just pull an all-nighter.

  5. So discouraging to start the morning only to find no new blog on this very important day: National BP Day (known to some as April Fool's Day). I'm dedicated to being preacher positive all day long if it kills me, therefore I trust that as the day unfolds, a new post will be born into the exciting world of blogging. That hope is enough to sustain me through a 6 am meeting. Until then, I will survive the meeting reading the old blogs (I know that BP believes in recycling material-he has been an innovator in the Green movement). As I read them in the meeting, I will pretend to be typing notes as others talk (wonder if I can make laughter look like crying). Happy BP day all 19 followers!