Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Mailbag: Why Unicorns Are Not Goats and Other Answers

Well BlurchTM, today marks our 31st consecutive post!  Who knew I could type so many words all in a row like that? 

Today we have 26 followers, over 4,000 page views, literally tens of tens of readers from around the world.  I am, as the Greeks would say,  "aston-e-mon-e-my" - ASTONISHED!

Naturally, I have to thank YOU, the readers of this blog.  The commenters.  Gidget.  A blog with out all of you is just me my bed...then reading it back to myself.  

But WITH you...well it's pretty much the same thing I guess...I'm STILL typing in my bed...oh, never mind.

Over the course of this first official month, I have not been the ONLY one dispensing wonderful nuggets of knowledge.  So today, I wanna share with you what some of our renegade band of commenters have been saying in this award-winning, semi-global blog.

For example, when I was talking about manna, Deacon Giff had this delicious suggestion:

Try the manna with some cheese whiz. Amazing!

Now that's a new one on me.  Of course, I've had cheese whiz on MATZOS for years, even served it at parties - people love it.  One time I squirted some on matzos DURING communion - of course, I was later fired for it.  But it tasted GREAT!  

You've never seen so many people want communion than the day you squirt cheese whiz on matzos and put a little seltzer in the grape juice.  Anyhow, I come.

RC had these watchful words for all preachers:

I do love the story about Baalam's talking ass (and it is so fun to say that during a Ladies Bible class and watch them get flustered just before they draw out their concealed carried weapons).
I MOST respect RC for having the conviction to use the Biblical name for Balaam's steed in a LBC, instead of a watered down, PC version.  Such courage.  I've been disfellowshipped for less.
LarryN had these important words we should ALL hear...
BP, those of us members of your blongregationTM  have noticed something strange about you.  No, seriously, I'm wondering why you haven't bleached about giving yet?  Why not set up a Paypal link for members of your blog to share in your blinistry?
This is such a fantastic comment for so many reasons.  For one, I love the whole "paypal/make money/get some dough in here" idea.  Who wouldn't?  
And secondly..."blinistryTM" and "blongregationTM" are just too dang fun to say. 
Dawn had this message...
Never had that problem in church or blurchTM...
my pastor was a total nutjob 
and was usually "right on the mark" with his messages.
I couldn't agree more.  Which reminds me, where have all the "nutjob" preachers gone?  Some say to the blogosphere.  
Scott said this when talking about pews:
"Thanks for the business tip! I've already got a call in to La-Z-Boy to pitch the idea for a La-Z-Pew! "
I'm first in line.
Odessa had a troubling comment...
"guffaw, guffaw; gesundheit my child, gesundheit!"
I'm not sure what all those words mean.  No doubt Odessa is one of our readers from Germany.  I hope she's alright.  "Guffaw" looks like it hurts.

As many of you know, I was in a rather heated debate a couple of days ago with one of my mouthier commenters, aesaint, over the nature of goats and rhinos in the Bible.   

After thwarting her many times with my superior Biblical knowledge and debating skills, she left one final snide remark asserting that the "floating goat of Isaiah" was actually a unicorn.  She writes...

Wait, it FLOATS, it has a horn between it's eyes AND 
everyone knows that goats love corn SO THEREFORE 
it's a UNICORN!!! Obviously........  
This chick just wears me out.  Clearly she's never read Psalms 29:6 - 

He maketh them also to skip like a calf; 
Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn.

I have no idea what this has to do with anything, but it mentions unicorns and I'm hoping it confuses aesaint long enough for me to make my escape.

Finally, Mukara said this...
you are the funniest guy in the universe. 
thank you for making me laugh til i my pants.
Like I've always said, "If this blog can make just ONE person pee in their pants..."
As together we stand and sing.


  1. 31 posts! Amazing success. Trinitarian success! 3-in-1 (trinity is everywhere except in the number of followers unless you divide 26 by 2 to get 13 which obviously is 1-in-3, but is that the same?).
    Hope that you and the recently injured Gidget can find some fun way to celebrate a month of daily postings (perhaps you can capture that one horn floaty goat, slaughter it, and create a great meal on the charcoal grill). If not, then matzos and cheese whiz will suffice.

  2. 31 bleaching posts. What to think. I am willing to let the goat/unicorn/rhino bit go if you can answer one thing; does God care about the NHL? Before you make up some lame organization, like, Well, heck, I can't even make something up for it, it stands for the National Hockey League...not Nostradamus' Hair Lick...
    And tomorrow is Sunday. Can't make it to the tabernacle so I hope you'll be in full on bro bleach mode :)