Thursday, April 14, 2011

Bible Flip Scrip #2

Well, it's time once again for another edition of Bible Flip Scrip(ture)TM, where I just flip the pages on my Bible then stick my finger randomly into a section, then preach on whatever scripture my finger lands on.  

I LOVE Bible Flip Scrip. Saves time figuring out what to BleachTM on.  And if I draw little pictures on the edges of the pages WHILE I'm flippin', it makes a little cartoon - which I love.  Anyhow, here we go.  

So I'll just flip the pages on my Bible here.  

I'm flipping...and finger...and...BOOM!  Fantastic.

Today's Bible Flip ScripTM comes to us from Psalms 104:18 where we read:

"The high hills are a refuge for the wild goats; 
and the rocks for the conies."

What in the world?  

Well, here is yet another example of "Bible Verses Joel Olsteen Will Never Touch".   

Lemme tell ya, preachin's not for wimps.  It takes a REAL Preacher to do "Bible Flip Scrip" on a wacky verse like this.  Doesn't scare me though.  I'll preach on anything.  One time, I preached on Splenda.  Anyhow... 

You say, "Preacher, what in the WORLD is a CONY?"

You're not gonna believe this, but that was EXACTLY what I was thinkin' just NOW. 

There's not a LOT we know about the Cony of the Bible.  What we DO know is that there was usually more than one of 'em, and they liked to hide in rocks, usually near a goat.  

Eventually the Cony left Israel and settled near what is now New York City, on the Island of Cony.  There they established a wonderful amusement park and a delicious snack known today as the Cony Dog.  

Sadly, the Cony Cat is lost to history.  Probably didn't make the boat ride over.  Cats hate water, as you know.  And aren't too crazy about roller coasters either.  

On the other hand, I think we're all pretty clear on what a GOAT is.  And the fact that in this verse they're hidin' up in the hills makes sense considering the fact that absolutley EVERY other verse you read in the Bible about goats, has them gettin' killed or slaughtered for some dang sacrifice!  

I'm serious!  I DEFY you to find a HAPPY goat verse!

Poor little goat.  Bet he wishes he was a Cony.  

I know I do.  I LOVE roller coasters.  And hot dogs. 

As together we stand and sing.


  1. Oh, brother preacher: you better shore up on your goat verses! Can't believe Gidget would let you get away with this... Daniel 8:5. "....I saw a male goat coming from the west. This goat had one large horn between his eyes that was easy to see. He crossed over the earth so fast that his feet hardly touched the ground." Goats had mostly a sad, pitiful life in Bible days but they enjoyed speeds that would make Usane Bolt weep with envy. Look, I know you do your best on studying the scriptures, but when it comes to animals in the Bible, you ain't pullin NO wool over my eyes!

  2. How wonderful that a Bible scholar like aesaint is sitting close by with her big black Bible open to check on BP (question: is that the KJV she is using?). I think she is one of the women who drove BP out of the Ladies Bible Class years ago with her nagging questions (like driving the scapegoat out of camp). She blames her whiny temperament on some long-retired preacher from Otter Creek Church who bored her sermon after sermon (my guess is that actually he was quite brilliant and she did not like sitting in silence waiting for the Bible class to begin so that she could have her say). I must say that I am intrigued with what aesaint and BP think about that fast horny goat mentioned in the Daniel passage. Yikes he scares me!

  3. I hate to have to straighten you out on this aesaint, but as a Bleacher of the Blospel and a scholar of the Blible, I am compelled to "give an answer". Whether I have one or not. Which I don't. So here goes...

    (And yes, RC I am having LBC flashbacks even as I type. This will NOT turn out well for me...never does.)

    As I'm sure you all know, the book of Daniel, is a prophetic book, which means it doesn't mean a THING it appears to be sayin'. Tree means fork. Mountain means school. Chariot means car wash. Prophetic books are tricky books. They msut be read trickily.

    In the passage so snippily referred to by aesaint, "the male goat coming from the west" with a large horn between it's eyes, obviously refers to a goat-like rhinoceros, not a goat.

    How do we know? Because THIS goat is not being sacrificed. has a dang HORN coming out between it's eyes! We call that a rhino. Not a goat.

    Everyone knows when Daniel talks about a goat-like rhino from the west it's referring to the United States.

    The large horn between it's eyes obviously is talking about growth of botox use in America, blinding our eyes to the truth, giving us all headaches, and encouraging us to gore each other to death.

    And the fact that this rhino-goat is FLOATING...well...I won't go into it here. Smirk.

    Suffice to say...I told you people we needed to learn to float.

    I stand amazed.


  4. Wait, it FLOATS, it has a horn between it's eyes AND everyone knows that goats love corn SO THEREFORE it's a UNICORN!!! Obviously........