Tuesday, April 19, 2011


In Genesis 18:9 the Bible says -
And they said unto him, 
Where is Sarah thy wife?
And he said, Behold, in the tent.

Judges 1:2 says this -
And the LORD said, 
Judah shall go up: behold, 
I have delivered the land into his hand.

Finally, we read in Matthew 24:25 -
Behold, I have told you before.

Three different verses.

Three different topics.

All with one thing in common: BEHOLD.  

I LOVE the word behold.  I use it all the time just walkin' around town.  Makes me sound like I'm from Bible times.  And Amish.  Either way, it tends to freak people out just a little bit.  Which I love.  

You say, "But Preacher, why would you wanna freak people out?"
Are we not called to be a peculiar people, and fools for Christ?  What better way to DO that than to talk Bible talk in modern times?  Well, I've freaked people out in a MILLION other and BETTER ways, but I won't get into that here.  

Let's start slow.  Let's start with the power of...BEHOLD.

For example, every time I go to the Post Office I tell the guy -
"Behold, as I have said thrice afore times unto this, behold I do NOT need any more stamps for mine packages!"

Or maybe to Gidget I'll say- 
"For behold it is unto day, I will arise and do mine work out." 

Or maybe - 

"Behold, here is pizza!  What doth hinder me from arising and eatting?!"  (Answer: Gidget).

Here's a tricky one - 
"Behold this for me while I get the keys."

"Behold my be-bible 'tis be-bopen! I shall be-bleach to the bultitudes, and be-no one can be-bop me!"

The great thing about this particular Bible word is that it works in almost ANY situation, AND...it is IN the Bible!  So people can't give you grief for using it.  

"Behold, get off my be-back!  I'm talkin' Bible talk!"

So I will be beholden to no man for using the word behold, behold.

Let's all talk some Bible talk today.  Shake things up a little.  Start freakin' people out.  For behold, it's the least we can do.

As together we stand and sing.



  1. Thou hadst outdonest thyself. Verily!
    Deacon Giff

  2. Some words you have to be careful of using that are in the Bible, as expressed in the previous discussions on Balaam and his "posterior equination of transportation". One example of this is 1 Kings 21:21 in the KJV- check it out and make a few comments on that, bleacher boy.

    Awooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! (Ouch)

    It's Sunday morning and it's really kind of early....
    Brother Preacher wakes up and he's lookig kind of surly...
    His patient wife, Gidget, is cooking up some bacon...
    some scrambled eggs, and some Grits she is making...
    They speed down the highway to be on time for Sunday school....
    ...Brother Preacher whips out his leather Bible, oh it looks so cool...
    He gets ready to launch into a VERY long sermon...
    Right after an opening prayer by good old Brother Therman...
    "CRASH!!!" Sister Brown dropped the set out of her ring...
    And we end on that note, as we STAND and Sing!!!!...