Wednesday, June 29, 2011


As so often is my custom, I found myself this morning sittin' around  thinkin' about Preachers.  

This is Lectureship season.  It is a time when all us Preachers shine up our best stuff, tie our tightest Windsors and get ready to strut our sermon stuff in front of each other - while at the same time trying to not appear too show-offy and still have our hearts in the right place (by the way, I'm NOT doing the Lectureships this week because I'm Preachin with Ricky Skaggs this Thursday at the Ryman - I don't say that to be braggy, just letting people know, in case they are expecting THEIR Preacher to be there too.  You're Preacher will NOT be there - just me).

Lectureships are sorta like the Rose Bowl Parade for Preachers. We spend weeks getting ready for them - rehearsing, cutting and  pasting, re-checking texts, sharpening illustrations and mending any flannel graph stuff that was damaged in the last public debate.  Lectureships are big time.

But while I love the Lectureship season - especially when I'm Preaching at the Ryman, like I am this Thursday with Ricky Skaggs - I can't help but wonder what the "Preachers of Old" would think about all this primpin' and pontificating.

I don't mean the "New Testament Preachers of Old"; they'd probably love it.  I think Peter and Paul probably did the first 2 keynotes.

I'm talkin' about the "Old Testament Preachers of Old".  The REAL Preachers.  The guys who are the reason I became a Preacher in the first place.  "The Wildmen of Worship".  Those guys were serious.  Those guys took no lip from anybody.  Those guys would just preach at you and if you didn't repent, they'd just kill ya, right on the spot, before you even got out of your pew. 

Talk about "an altar call".

Talk about  "Evangel-cool."

Imagine THAT Lectureship, and what THAT schedule of speakers looked like:

Tough Guys Lectureship Series: 
"Letting Loose The Killer Prophet In You"; 
Woman at The Well Auditorium, Hebron, 2023 B.C.

9:30am - Samson; "How To Bring The House Down Without Using Power Point OR Steroids."

11:15am - Elisha: "Dealing With The Mouthy Teen: The Care and Feeding of She-bears."

12:30pm - Preacher's Fellowship Lunch; lentils, figs, manna and Elder Casserole.

1:30pm - Moses: "10 Plagues That Will Drive Your Elders Nuts (And Get You What You Want)."

2:30pm - Eve: "What And What NOT To Feed Your Husband."

2:30pm - Esther: "Why Women Prophets Will Beat You Every Time."

3:30pm - David: "Slingshots Won't Grow a Church But Can Kill A Pretty Mouthy Giant."

4:30pm - Elijah: "How To Wipe Out 500 Prophets of Baal While Making A Bar-B-Que."

4:30pm - Jonah: "The Preacher's Quite Time: What 3 Days Inside A Whale Can Do For Your Preaching Ideas."

5:00pm - Amos: "How To Keep On Preaching When Nobody Can Find Your Book In The Bible (or even knows for sure what you did)."   (NOTE: the location for this lecture is yet to be located.  Participants may wanna just skip this one and go to dinner early.)

6:00pm - Preacher Lifetime Achievement Award Banquet: Honoring Brother Noah; who preached for 200 years, got exactly NO converts but DID end up baptizing and simultaneously killing the entire world - whether they liked it or not.   

7:30pm  - Entertainment; The New Ammonite Singers, singing their hit, "You Killed 'Em All But You Didn't Get Me!"

7:35pm - Kill remaining Ammonites.

8:00pm - Congregational singing and Fellowship Fisticuffs.  Followed by a special Philistine foreskin collection for The New NEW Ammonite Singers.

10:00pm - Campfire Sing-A-Long with a "Nothin' in my hands" fire from heaven igniting of the campfire demonstration by Elijah and 500 prophets of Baal.  (Note: Elijah wins).

As together we stand and sing.


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