Monday, September 26, 2011


 I heard one time that if you sat a monkey in front of a typewriter and gave him enough time, eventually he would type all the plays of William Shakespeare. 

That’s some monkey; and I’m guessing a fair amount of bananas.  I’d hate to see what an Emu would come up with.  Now that I think of it, maybe that’s how they wrote the 70’s mega-hit, “Threes Company”.  I always thought that show had a certain “monkey loose on a typewriter” feel to it.

Now, I don’t know whether there’s much to this whole “monkey typing” thing, but I’m willing to give it a shot.  So I want all the Zoo Keepers of this Blurch (blog-church) to know that I’d be willing to give some honest, hard-working, young monkey a try at writing Blermons (blog-sermons) for me.  He must be a self-starter, able to work with deadlines and wear pants.  I’ll provide the computer and a tire swing.  I’ll need a semi-daily Blermon (make that “daily”) roughly 2 minutes in length.  Most importantly: No Tarzan jokes.

Monkey Bleaching (blog-preaching) could be a real turning point for this Blurch.  As far as I know, it would be the only one of it’s kind in the entire Preacherhood.  Well, except for all of Pat Robertson’s stuff.  I’m pretty sure a monkey does his stuff.  And I think Benny Hinn has a goldfish writing his sermons now.  At least that what it seems like to me.

What could it hurt?  Having a monkey write my Blermons couldn’t be any worse than what I do now.  And I KNOW they’d be better than the ones I hear from a certain TV preacher who will remain nameless, but rhymes with Joel Olsteen.  For now, let’s just call him Mole Tolsteen.

The only draw back to Monkey Preaching would be finding a monkey who could actually pull off an award-winning Blermon.  I mean, nobody ever said “put a monkey at a computer and give him enough time and a Blermon will pop out”.  All that’s ever been promised was the Shakespeare stuff.  Personally, I prefer my Blermons and sermons to be Bible-y in nature.  Shakespeare just makes my head hurt, though some of it DOES remind me of King James. 

Of course, all of this is a mute point if whatever monkey I get to write Blermons refuses to also do hospital visits.  

As together we stand and sing.


1 comment:

  1. ...I'm certain that somewhere, a long time ago on a kids' magazine cover, I saw a picture of chimpanzees at computers, reading ape-ified Shakespeare plays--one was "Midsummer Night's Chimp," for instance. I have a sneaking suspicion that it was a cover of "National Geographic World" (and if it is, then oh, the irony!).

    And yes, have to agree about monkeys being behind Three's Company. Not at all like the lion(heart)s who wrote Hogan's Heroes, right?

    (P.S. Thanks for the comment!)