I recently returned from visiting the Holy Land. It was quite an experience.
Actually is WAS an experience. I mean it was THE experience. THE Holy Land Experience...Orlando, Florida.
What I’m saying is, it wasn’t the REAL Holy Land, OK? I’m talkin’ about the one in Orlando.
Not quite the same thing I guess, but close enough. I WILL say that the language barrier wasn’t nearly as tough to overcome as I thought it was gonna be. All you really had to know was Gracias and maybe El Bano. And nobody asked me for my Passport. So THAT was handy. Can’t guarantee it’ll be that way NEXT year.
Oh, what a feeling it was to pretend to walk the streets where Jesus didn’t walk, and to eat the Jerusalem Jelly Bean Manna Munchers that the Apostles would’ve LIKED to have eaten if they had HAD Jelly Bean Manna Munchers back then!
By the way, the Feed The 5,000 Fish Sandwich was one of the best fish sandwiches I’ve EVER had. They made it with 5 pieces of bread, two fried filet-o-fishes and a fig. I have to admit it pretty much just fed Gidget and me though. So that was a bit of a disappointment. Next time I’ll pass on the Paradise Pickles. Gave me Galilean Gas.
The Lot’s Gift and Snack Shop was a big hit. It was quite a thrill to think of the Apostle Paul or maybe Zachariah sipping Sadducee Sarsaparilla out of the same Sea of Galilee Sippy Cups we got. Had a little, tiny Blue and white plastic Jesus walkin’ on the top of the Pepsi. Amazing. I wish I knew how they did that.
And the Velvet Elvis On A Camel was a big surprise. I don’t think they have that in the “other” Holy Land. Come to think of it, the “other” Holy Land kinda stinks.
Loved getting my Mini Scroll Bible from the Scriptorim-teria. It’s the only Bible I have that’s also a scroll. Still not convinced I’ll be able to preach from it, though. It’s a little on the unruly side. Tends to come apart like broken Slinky. I wouldn’t guarantee it for a “Find the Bible Verse First” contest, put it that way.
But oh, what a trip! If you can’t get to the real Holy Land this year, try doing the one in Orlando. It’s closer, cleaner, and has better hot dogs - I mean Damascus Donkey Dogs.
Plus, you’re just a hop and a skip away from Gator World and Shells-a-Plenty. Oh, to sit on the gators that the Apostles must have sat upon, and to hear the book of Job through a seashell!
I love Florida. It’s weird down there.
As together we stand and sing.