Thursday, November 10, 2011


Well, I threw my back out the other day. 

Not sure what I did.  Might've been the racquetball.  Or maybe that set of Lexicons I moved to the upstairs pulpit.

And I can already hear what some of you are saying, “Well, big deal, Preacher.  So what?  How bad can a little back twitch be?  Get to work!”

The term “throwing your back out” is one of those terms you hear people say all the time.  It doesn’t mean anything.  Until it happens to you.  Once it happens to YOU - then you get it.  

 I suppose a lot of life is like that.  I always thought a turtle was a terrible idea for a pet - until I won one at a Preacher’s Conference for “Outstanding Announcements”.  Turtles can be cool.  And throwing your back out can make you think you glow in the dark.

The first time you actually “throw your back OUT” (I mean for REAL) you are instantly filled with a secret knowledge from on high.  The clouds separate, the earth trembles, and a little white dove flies down from heaven, lands on your still shaking shoulder and whispers into your ear saying, “Now do you GET it, Smarty Pants?”

You try to sit down, you black out.  You try to stand up, you black out.  You try to make a Pop Tart, pain shoots up your back and into your arms, the Pop Tart goes flyin’ and you faint while howlin’ like a baby wolf.   

And don’t even THINK of showin’ off by puttin’ on socks or flushin’ a toilet - unless you LIKE hangin’ out on the bathroom floor for 6 hours.

Once you throw your back out you are instantly inducted into a very elite club of fellow whiners who understand what you’re going through without you sayin a word.  Sigh.  It's good to be in the presence of such whiners at a time like this. Group whining can be very effective.

Who cares what others think!?  Who cares what the pain free say!?  Let them go about their day liftin’ pans and waving at mailmen.   

Just get me more Flexeril and get out of here!

As together we stand and sing.


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