Tuesday, April 12, 2011


In I Thessalonians 5:2 the Apostle Paul writes,

"For yourselves know perfectly 
that the day of the Lord so cometh 
as a thief in the night." 
In this verse, Paul reminds us that the Lord will come again "like a thief in the night", implying that we therefore need to be ready at all times for his return.
This is also true of wives.  Who've been away on trips to see their families.  And are coming home sometime today. 
Specifically, this is true of MY wife, Gidget.  Who is flying home today after a week at her father's house.  
Oh, what a wonderful time this would be for me to be organized!  Imagine, if I was organized right now, I could go to wherever her flight information is, read it,  and then go pick her up.  Easy.
Sadly, I am NOT organized - so I am doomed.
You say, "Preacher, just call her on the phone and ask her when she's coming in."
Listen, if I call and ask Gidget her flight information again she will immediately begin to yell and cry and accuse me of never loving her.  It's a whole mess I'd rather avoid, thanks just the same.  I hate it when Gidget cries.  She starts to hiccup snot.  It's not a good time for either of us.
The only option left to me now is to get up and go sit at the airport all day today till she shows up.  I'll need lots quarters for the vending machines.  
The problem is, as many of you know, I have been in a Nyquil stupor the last 2 days and have awakened to find not only is my head still filled with liquid gunk, but our house has been completely destroyed by the Nyquil elves.  It is a TRAIN WRECK in here.
This will not fly with Gidget.  When she left, the house looked like we were trying to sell it.  Pristine, beautiful.  Now, it looks like a replica of  the final scene of "Animal House" or maybe "Gone With The Wind."  
I don't know what happened.  Well, I KNOW what happened.  Me on NYQUIL happened.  
There are used Puffs stacked up in every corner, soup cans on the dresser, clothes and socks on the steps and in the vaporizer.  I've got honey covered Uno cards in the refrigerator.  
I found an entire game of RISK going on under the covers of my bed. 
I shaved I think last Thursday, so I look like Og the Caveman.  Smell like him too.   Gidget will love that.  I am a picture of true Cassanova-nis.  The dry cough is cute too.

Nyquil is nasty stuff!  Stay in School!  I feel terrible.  Who are you?  Who am I?  Huh?
I've gotta get cleaned up, get this house cleaned and get to the airport in about an hour and try to save my marriage.  I'd be there by now but I had to write this blog.  
Such dedication!  Such professionalism.
I'm an idiot.

As together we stand and sing.



  1. On your way to the airport pick up Gidget something special, some latex gloves, trash bags and some Clorox. You will make her cleaning job so much easier while you recover from the trip to the airport.

    Deacon Giff

  2. You're in for it! That Gidget can be a real shrew. You know how she gets after being with her father and the rest of that crazy family of hers. You'd better enlist those elves to do their best at reversing the Nyquil effect.

    Get up. Scrape that fur off of your face and get snappin', Dude!