Monday, May 23, 2011


Needless to say, I had a pretty CRUDDY day at church yesterday.  

It seems that certain "people" (and by "people" I mean Grumpy Elders) seem to expect Preachers to have a sermon ready to preach on Sundays during church EVERY DANG SUNDAY!

Well, excuse me for livin', but I was busy all last week PREPARING to go to HEAVEN thanks VERY MUCH!!  

It's called: PRIORITIES!

It's called: Being a CHRISTIAN!

It's called: I drained the baptistery.

Ask Mary and Martha about making lunch - they can tell you all about it.  

I just realized, that last line may have been a little to "inside baseball" for some of you.  Bottom line: Jesus said it was OK to NOT help your sister make lunch for everybody if you're in the Living Room doin' a Bible Study with The Lord at the time.  

I think it applies to my situation...somehow.


So, it was a mess yesterday and things got a little heated  - at one time I thought I was in the Board Room of Celebrity Apprentice.  Then they said "You're Fired, Preacher!" and then I REALLY felt like it then.  

Naturally those cheap-os had no Taxi for me to catch after I left like they do on Celebrity Apprentice.  Had to drive myself home.  I'm just glad I had the opportunity to raise money for my charity: 

Preachers Who Pout. 

Wait.  I think I just faded into a weird fantasy world just then- OK - I'm back.

Anyhow - so things are a bit on edge around my house these days.  Let's just say it is a good thing Gidget and I had that "Practice Moving Drill" the other day because now we have been given the opportunity to do it for real.

How exciting.

I never realized how similar being homeless and jobless is to camping.  Which is what I've told Gidget we're doing.  She LOVES camping.  Being FIRED, not so much.

So, we will soon be "on the road again"!  (cue music)  Luckily, all of our stuff is still in boxes from the practice move.  So...

Sigh.  I am SO depressed.  

In a "Preacher Positive" way, of course.  

I really thought I'd be floatin' around Heaven by now, checkin' to see if Adam and Eve have belly buttons for my friend Avon, and trying to get out of the choir.  Instead, I am Map Questing KOAs.

Gidget is gonna kill me.  Don't worry, I'll tell her the truth...eventually.  Not NOW of course.  For now, I'm sticking with the camping thing.  Gidget can get very saucy when there's no dinero comin' in - which is what attracted me to her in the first place - that and her ability to find Ecclesiastes in 5 seconds flat.

This will teach me to read  newspapers.  Had I just kept my fat nose in the Bible instead of reading other stuff like books and newspapers and Internet crud, I would've known nothing about the "end of the world" or Twitter or The Brady Bunch Marathon.

Oh, well.  Listen, I gotta go.  I've got stuff to do.  Jobs to find.  Houses to rent.  Tents to set up.

We BleachTM on.

As together we stand and sing.



  1. Ooh, ouch... Well, maybe they'll have a change of heart? You know what they say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder..."

    If not, well... I recommend the Carl Kolchak method--try a road trip instead of a camping trip while discreetly choosing stops close to potential job offers.

  2. Brother Preacher------I wouldn't let those mean Elders get to you.
    They don't know what they are talking about.


    There are People in Nashville, TN, WHO LOVES YOU VERY MUCH AND WANT YOU TO MOVE TO NASHVILLE, TN, any way:)

    So come on by and We will Welcome you with Open arms and with lots of LOVE!!!:)

  3. Yo, BP... We are not all that FRIENDLY here in music city. There are lots of places in the USA that needs preachers; uh, Las Vegas, Miami, and Peoria. Hello, we are the BIBLE BELT. just a thought.