I'm realizing that this whole "it's end of the world this Saturday" stuff can be a little tough to get used to.
Let's face it, these are SERIOUS times. When you've only got FOUR DAYS before it's all over, you really don't have the luxury to mess around much. Which for a guy like me, is asking a lot. Messing around is one of my God-given talents.
Still, I'm worried that I might not be spending my last few days on earth the way I should. I've got to figure out what I'm doing wrong.
You see yesterday, after posting another award-winning BlermonTM, I went out (as is my custom) and got a waffle at my favorite diner. I do this nearly every day, except on the days I get waffles from the truck stop vending machines.
It's not that Gidget doesn't make a fan-TAST-tic waffle at home, it's more the fact that I like the way the diner stools SPIN when I sit on 'em. And if I'm wearing shorts and am lucky enough to be "thigh sweating" at the time, I can make the "pleather" (plastic leather) diner stools squeak out "Oh Susannah" in 2-part harmony.
And if you've never done THAT before, you haven't LIVED, Sister!
I often eat alone.
Anyhow...
I got so carried away with the waffles and the spinin', squeakin' stools, that before I knew it, it was already 2:00 in the afternoon, which is when I usually either do hospital visits or have lunch, depending on who's sick and how hungry I am.
So since I was already AT the diner, I thought it best to go ahead and have lunch, and see if I could squeak out a little "London Bridge" - which, it turns out, I do quite beautifully.
After that I was so full and my thigh was so chapped from all those songs, I took a nap in the park and then had a water balloon fight with some Boy Scouts (I DESTROYED 'em, by the way. I'm a Webelo man, myself).
After that, it was back home for dinner with Gidget, and some Celebrity Apprentice on the DVR action, and then to bed.
It wasn't until my head hit the pillow that I realized, "Oh MAN! I have completely BLOWN one of my last 5 days on Earth! What a Moron!"
Then I asked the Lord for forgiveness and had a donut.
What a mess of a day. I do NOT want to repeat it. The days are REALLY too short now.
So I have determined that today will be different. I want Tuesday to COUNT. To mean something. Now there are only FOUR DAYS left on this Earth and I want them to be meaningful and special and profound.
So right after I post this, I'm going to put on some LONG pants and grab a quick waffle at the diner and then...you know...do something cool.
I'll keep you posted.
As together we stand and sing.
BP
Let's face it, these are SERIOUS times. When you've only got FOUR DAYS before it's all over, you really don't have the luxury to mess around much. Which for a guy like me, is asking a lot. Messing around is one of my God-given talents.
Still, I'm worried that I might not be spending my last few days on earth the way I should. I've got to figure out what I'm doing wrong.
You see yesterday, after posting another award-winning BlermonTM, I went out (as is my custom) and got a waffle at my favorite diner. I do this nearly every day, except on the days I get waffles from the truck stop vending machines.
It's not that Gidget doesn't make a fan-TAST-tic waffle at home, it's more the fact that I like the way the diner stools SPIN when I sit on 'em. And if I'm wearing shorts and am lucky enough to be "thigh sweating" at the time, I can make the "pleather" (plastic leather) diner stools squeak out "Oh Susannah" in 2-part harmony.
And if you've never done THAT before, you haven't LIVED, Sister!
I often eat alone.
Anyhow...
I got so carried away with the waffles and the spinin', squeakin' stools, that before I knew it, it was already 2:00 in the afternoon, which is when I usually either do hospital visits or have lunch, depending on who's sick and how hungry I am.
So since I was already AT the diner, I thought it best to go ahead and have lunch, and see if I could squeak out a little "London Bridge" - which, it turns out, I do quite beautifully.
After that I was so full and my thigh was so chapped from all those songs, I took a nap in the park and then had a water balloon fight with some Boy Scouts (I DESTROYED 'em, by the way. I'm a Webelo man, myself).
After that, it was back home for dinner with Gidget, and some Celebrity Apprentice on the DVR action, and then to bed.
It wasn't until my head hit the pillow that I realized, "Oh MAN! I have completely BLOWN one of my last 5 days on Earth! What a Moron!"
Then I asked the Lord for forgiveness and had a donut.
What a mess of a day. I do NOT want to repeat it. The days are REALLY too short now.
So I have determined that today will be different. I want Tuesday to COUNT. To mean something. Now there are only FOUR DAYS left on this Earth and I want them to be meaningful and special and profound.
So right after I post this, I'm going to put on some LONG pants and grab a quick waffle at the diner and then...you know...do something cool.
I'll keep you posted.
COUNTDOWN TO FINAL DESTRUCTION:
4 DAYS
As together we stand and sing.
BP
BP....I commend you for your courage in taking on this issue, but I fear your warning is not being taken seriously. The faithful in the fold are listening, and we're with you on the whole "Go out and do something cool" admonition. But I fear the masses are scoffing. Surely you knew it would happen, that in the last days scoffers would come scoffing. If you really want to sound the alarm I suggest that on your next visit to the diner, you might try squeeking out a couple verses of troublesome times are here filling men's hearts with fear. -- Jay
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