Friday, June 17, 2011


I don't wanna sound all braggy but, facts is facts...I destroyed the Bible Scholars last night with my superior preaching.  They never saw it comin'.

Of course, I ALSO simultaneously got myself dis-fellowshipped from about 9 different denominations, while tickin' off about a hundred big brained Bible guys and their wives but...these things happen. 

Francis Collins, the human genome/world famous scientist guy was there.  We chatted afterwards for a while and found that we have lots in common.  Apparently, he discovered the human genome a while ago.  I told him that I have also found stuff...usually in the backyard or my closet. I think he was impressed, though he seemed a bit skittish to see me.  He probably thought I was gonna try to baptize him right there on the spot.  Don't laugh.  I thought about it.  He probably noticed the "Pre-baptize Glaze" I get in my eye right before I dunk somebody.  He's a scientist, they notice that kind of stuff.

Anyhow, it occurred to me this morning that Francis will no doubt be bringing  my name up the next time he meets with Bill Gates or  President Obama.  

That's just gonna KILL Joel Olsteen.  Oh, well.    

Making my way back home today.  There's a pile of mail to sift through and a "Housewives of New Jersey" marathon on the DVR my wife Gidget has to catch up on, so have to get back.  

Meanwhile, I wanna personally thank all of the BlembersTM (blog-members) of this BlongregationTM (blog-congregation) for your support during this missionary trip to California.  You weren't a LOT of help (I did all the preachin' and most of the drivin'), but it was still good to know you there to pray and fast.  

I HATE fasting while I'm on the road.  And I get too dizzy when I fast while I'm tryin' to preach. Now that I think of it, I don't think I EVER fast.  

Why?  Because fasting stinks.  Thanks for doing it for me.  Now go have a donut.

I wonder if Francis Collins ever fasts?  

What I really wonder is if he has a microscope.  Or a trampoline. 

I'll ask him next time we're on a smart guy science panel in Washington together.

Can't WAIT for that.  I'll preach those guys into the ground.

Joel Olsteen will wanna jump off a bridge.

As together we stand and sing.



  1. On that long drive home remember: at every rest stop, every filling station, every restaurant, every hotel there is a baptismal opportunity awaiting your baptismal gift. this could be the beginning of a national revival, another great awakening. Then again, we may find an epidemic of nap-taking in unexpected places. Do not be discouraged! Paul struggled with the academics in Athens and put the poor guy in the window to sleep with his preaching. You are doing bible things in bible ways!

  2. Brother Preacher!! Why did I not know about the Malibu Fight Night? I, of all people -- I who witnessed your first miracle, The Wiping Up Of Coffee With a Plastic Bag during Moonshine rehearsal. I would have been there in a heartbeat, sitting, with my head covered in the women's section, with my sister wives. Next time you let me know. I MEAN IT. And now I've found your blog, I will be commenting. Oh, there will be blommenting from this one.

  3. Remember, BP, Proverbs 16:18 sayeth, "Pride goeth before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall." But then again, it's not really braggin' since "those that can, DO." Oh, I did have a donut today; two as a matter of fact. Thanks!

  4. Tanks for the encouragement RC - I love vending machines - another opportunity.

    CF! So great to hear from you after all these years. My infamous "Wiping of the Coffee With A Plastic Bag" miracle is firmly planted in my mind. I'm sorry you missed my subsequent miracles "Sugar In The Dishwasher" and Mortgage Bill Sent to the IRS". Both have helped to cement my prominence in an already crowded field. I DO apologize for my neglect in telling you about my recent Preaching gig. It won't happen again. Look forward to your Blommenting as well as blah blah blah - whatever else.

    LARRY - you are so right about the fall and the can DO part. Confusung. But You did the right thing when in such a quandry:have a donut.