Tuesday, November 1, 2011


Someone recently informed me that there is a thing out there in the world called a "Preacher's Cake". 

Naturally, I was intrigued.  I am - as you know - the keeper of all things "Preacher".  The mere thought of there being a delicious desert out there designed specifically with the Preacher in mind tells me life just got better.  I can go another day.

Imagine - a cake MADE for Preachers.  My guess is frosting and a Greek Lexicon are somehow involved.

Of course, the first thing that popped into my mind when they mentioned a "Preacher Cake" was something like this...
If you've ever had the misfortune of attending a Preacher's Breakfast, I'm sure you've watched with disgust as Preachers make fast work of these little puppies.  

Watching Preachers eat is among my top 5 "Never Wanna See Again" list.  They show no mercy.  It's like they take all their frustrations with teaching Ladies Bible Class and dealing with Grumpy Elders out on masticating chicken legs and brownies.  

It's astonishing how fast Preachers can misplace verses on gluttony once a Pot Luck prayer gets said.  


Sorry - just had a mental image of the last Preacher's Breakfast I attended.  It wasn't pretty.  We lost some good guys.  And even more brownies and chicken legs.

Anyhow, so you can imagine my surprise when I found out that a  donut with sprinkles on it was NOT a "Preacher's Cake".  From what they tell me, THIS is a "Preacher's Cake":

Are you kiddin' me?  Kinda disappointing.  What year IS this?  1882?  

And yes, for those of you who are wondering - that IS pineapple at the bottom of this baby - IF you can get through the 3 inches of sour cream frosting.

Whoever invented this cake CLEARLY didn't care for Preachers.  Or cake.

This cake reminds me of a baby shower my wife Gidget made me go to back in the early 90's...before it was cool for guys to hang out at baby showers, of course.

PREACHERS NOTE: it's STILL NOT cool for guys to go to baby showers.  What are you guys thinkin'?  Why are you going to baby showers?  Did football suddenly evaporate from the planet?  I blame myself. Well, really I blame Gidget but let's not get into that here.   Anyhow...

To me, THIS is what a  "Preacher's Cake" should look like:

Or maybe THIS...

You know, something you can preach with.  I don't know about you, but I really appreciate a cake I can eat and also preach a 3-point hermeneutical-y sound sermon on the book of Jude with.

I know what you're saying.  But I can't help it.  I'm guilty: I like to eat my cake and preach with it too.  There I said it.  Get off my back.

Between you and me THIS is the only thing I can consider a REAL "Preacher's Cake".  And Gidget if you're reading...take the hint:

As together we stand and sing.



  1. That black object on that Lego man cake looks like....uh...NOT a microphone. Looks like something I would have sold. Sorry, I used to work at a porn shop. That kind of stuff NEVER leaves you, even after so many years lol

  2. ...I was, however, a pastry chef a while back. A job I actually WAS proud of and it was more to me than just a paycheck. I've heard of preacher cakes, the contents vary, it's often a sheet pan cake of seasonal fruit. I've never seen this food porn. 3 inches of frosting? Wow, I love frosting, but that's overkill even for me! Yes, I think food porn is an appropriate expression, especially in the church communities...I was dragged to church as a kid and discovered many observations about church going people; one of which were the communal dinners/lunches/etc. The types and sheer volume of foods served AND consumed, it was like an ancient Roman Bacchanalia sans wine, nudity and vomitorium. It was interesting to me how there seemed a correlation between the preaching of an intolerant, oppressive lifestyle and the food orgies that took place post sermon, it seemed the more restrictive the message, the more abandoned the consumption. The gospel folks were the worst, with the sweaty, hard breathing and sometimes even moaning... Enough to make you blush and ask if they would like a moment alone lol. I take it that this behavior is a subconscious rebellion most deem to benign to be an issue, until arms tingle and stairs become a challenge and buttons no longer meet. Sometimes restriction in one area causes excess in another, especially if it is fear driven or by peer pressure, instead of an individual voluntary action.