NOW I PRAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP

I fell asleep during my bedtime prayers again last night.

I’m not proud of that fact.  I’m not saying I’m a wonderful example of devotional commitment that everybody should aspire to.  I’m just tellin’ what happened.

I don’t know why this happens.  I guess it could be because I say my bedtime prayers IN my bed instead of BESIDE my bed, on my knees, the way I used to do it when I was a kid.   You don’t fall asleep when you pray on your knees. 

But look, I CAN’T pray on my knees anymore.  I can’t even garden on my knees anymore.  Frankly, I don’t know how you Catholics do it every week.  I’d need more than that little bench with a cushion, I can tell you that.

For a while I tried praying in a chair but it felt too much like I was interviewing for a job.  I tried standing and praying but I always ended up preaching instead of praying.  Bathtub praying is just weird, and unlike SOME people I know, I have NEVER prayed while on the toilet.  For record, I don’t do any reading there either.  There places for reading.  They are called “libraries”.   "Let him who hath ears..."

So sometime ago, I started praying my bedtime prayers in bed.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I have to admit it, it has rarely worked.

I usually start off good, with a fair amount of praising and thanking.  But then I slide into the slurring, and the mind drifting and the incoherant babbling.  Occasionally I’ll start talkin’ in cartoon voices, lose my place, wake up and have to start over. 

What bothers me most is that I’m not sure if any of these prayers “take”.  I’m not sure if I ever get to the “In Jesus name I pray” part.  Does anybody know whether or not you HAVE to get to that part for it to count?  Scripture is, at best, sketchy on this topic.

There is nothing worse than struggling through a sleepy bedtime prayer in bed, fighting off the Slumber Monster only to realize in the morning that you fell asleep sometime between “Please bless my family” and “Which Hogan’s Heroes is YOUR favorite episode, Lord?”

Oh, don’t sit there like you’ve never done THAT before. 

As together we stand and sing.

BP

THE QUIET GOD

God and I were talking today.

Well, I was doing MOST of the talking, he was just listening.  Which is how it usually works.  I blab and whine and beg and cry and praise, and apologize, and He just sits there, taking it all in.  I always picture Him sitting in a big orange bean bag, drinking tea, nodding His head.

Personally, I don't think people give God enough credit for being such a fantastic listener.  

Usually when you try to talk to somebody here, they cut you off right in the middle of your sentence and try to turn the conversation back to them.  They check their e-mail, send e-mail, text, watch TV, nap.  I'm used to all that.  What ticks me off is when they nod their head at the wrong times.

But I don't have that problem with God.  He's never once put me on hold, or checked even one e-mail while I was talking to him.  And if anybody had a reason to multi-task, I think He'd be the guy.

Of course, there have been times when I have wished He was not  so quiet.   There have been times I have begged Him to tell me what was on His mind (I've always wondered what His idea was behind the Platypus, and MTV).  

Sometimes I've wanted Him to just quit being so dang mysterious and tell me what I needed to do next, or to assure me that everything was gonna be OK.  But every time, He just hunkers down in that bean bag and sips His Earl Grey. 

I've had friends who say He talks to them all the time.  They carry on with God like they were on a radio call-in talk show together.  They ask God questions, then He answers them right back, then they tell each other jokes and laugh and laugh and laugh.  

It's never worked that way for me and God.  I don't know why. 

People say, "God speaks to us through His Word."  Maybe for you He does.  But whenever I read the Bible I still can't figure out how to find Highway 49 or where I left my keys or why I'm so selfish.  All stuff I ask God about.  You can read the book of Matthew all day and you will never know whether to use anti-bacterial soap or not. 

With me, God is a quiet, calm, intense listener.  I don't know why, but it works, I guess.  Clearly, He is fascinated by all the things I have to say.  My thoughts on church politics.  My ideas about old TV shows.  My sermon series plans.

I have to admit, it's a bit flattering to have the God of the Universe so enthralled by me.  But then again, I really can't blame Him.  Let's face it, I AM a fascinating man of wonder.  

As together we stand and sing.

BP