Devo Doodles (#4)

It usually starts something like this.  Not much.  A line or two.  A scribble here or there.  No calls from the art world at this point.  Soon.


Then it goes to something like this.  A few more tries.  Still nothing much.

At this point whatever it is, usually gains weight.

 

Then it loses weight, but gets bigger.

Then it kinda does both; but  with more hair.

Next panic sets in, we  go back to an older one, add more hair, darken.




Next, we go back to ANOTHER older one and just look at it for a while.  Make snack.

Then suddenly there's a big turn.  Hair is added, sideburns, gets bigger, then shoulders...whamo!  Hope!

Refine.  Lose sideburns, add finger.

Finger was a GREAT idea, decide to add whole body.  Enlarge!

OK, body was a bad idea.  NO body.  But BIGGER head.

Now add color, some sideburns (again), and replace the finger with what could be either a microphone (if this is Elvis) or a golf club (if this is Bob Hope with side burns).

Now stand back and take a look , while notifying the art world - who've obviously lost my number.

Take one last, final look.

Now, BLINK once, and...

WHAM!!!

Fantastic.  

What just happened? 

Who cares?

Now, insert verse (may have to stretch or cram as necessary)

"And do not be conformed to this world, 

but be transformed..." 

Romans 12:2

As together we stand and sing.

BP

Done.  Post it. Cake.

WHAM.

DEVO DOODLES (#3)

 Bad Hair Day

Big Hair Day

No Hair Day

Hare Hair Day

"He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, 

and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." 

MATTHEW 5:45

As together we stand and sing.
BP

DEVO-DOODLES (#2)

"Forgetting what lies behind...I press on toward the goal.

.." (Philippians 3:13, 14)

NEXT UP...

They have replaced pews with padded folding chairs.

Instead of a pulpit, there is often a see-thru podium on stage, or maybe a music stand.  One time I saw a guy using a TV tray - even had a can of Pepsi on it.  Made me want  Cheetos.  

Sometimes guys just stand up there sans any stand at all.  These guys have usually memorized their sermons and don't need notes.  Either that or they forgot to write a sermon that week and are wingin' it...er...I mean...are following the prompts of the Holy Spirit as to what to say next. 

Apparently, the Holy Spirit doesn't write sermons during the week either. 

Preachers in suits and ties are nearly extinct.  Now they wear their golf clothes to preach in (easy transition to the links), or maybe beach clothes (Beach and Preach Wear), or whatever they happen to have on at the time.  If you preach in what you clean your garage out in, you can preach and then go clean your garage out without having to change.  

If you preach in your jammies, you can roll out of bed, preach, then head back for a nice afternoon snooze without missin' a beat.  And if the congregation wears THEIR jammies to church they can get their afternoon nap in DURING the sermon.  All very handy.

Which reminds me, all Preachers are doing is matching the congregation's fashion sense, who often look like they've come from showing livestock at a County Fair. I wish they'd bring me a corn dog back with 'em next time.

Your friendly neighborhood song book can soon be sold at auction as an authentic relic of "life in the last century", having been replaced by 3 huge monitors and your own personal Praise Team Singer / flag-waver.

Even church buildings are getting harder to find (at least church buildings with anybody still in them).  Now they meet in old Target stores, empty bars, private homes.  I saw one church that met in a bar, in the round with Lazy-boy recliners instead of pews.  Had I not been preaching somewhere already, I would've preached my best audition sermon on Job and joined in a heartbeat.  

When it comes to unusual places of worship, I prefer the "Car Church"- tends to have smaller congregations but you get to see some country in between songs.

The Church Bulletin is quickly being shown the door by email and Facebook.  Which makes me feel bad for future generations.  The old-time church bulletin was the last place on earth  you could still get a contact high whiffin' the "just printed" ink.  Tut...TUT. 

All this "new" stuff can put me in a pretty bad mood if I let it.  Makes me miss the way things were, the people I used to know, the important way it influenced my life.  It's painful to see what meant so much to me thrown to the wayside and in a way that makes me think no one cares.

And then I think - 

BOO HOO, GRANDPA! 

Guess what?!  "Gunsmoke" and "The Banana Splits Club" went off the air about 100 years ago and surprisingly, we no longer have any use for a thing called, "rabbit ears".

And here's another newsflash: rotary phones were fun (and slow and heavy and hurt your finger) but you can't put one in your pocket and carry it around with you and then expect it to give you directions to Wal-Mart! 

The reason for this is: the world has changed since 1941 and 1978 and 2001, and some of what used to make sense THEN, doesn't anymore.  Some wise, good, sensible words of wisdom THEN simply don't apply any more and never will again.

1978 advice:
"Don't sit so close to the TV you'll fry your brain."

2011 advice:
"Aren't computers great?  Let's sit in front of these little TVs for 22 hours a day!"

So when it comes to some of the surface changes I see in the church, I'm probably feeling what the old guys felt who saw them first bring in pulpits, and song books, and church buildings. 

OLD GRUMP

What's this? 

YOUNG GUY

It's called a pulpit.  

OLD GRUMP

Pull-a-what?  

YOUNG GUY

Pul-PIT.  You preach from it.  See?

OLD GRUMP

I don't want a stupid pulpit.  Where's my preachin' ROCK?!

Look, I wish they'd dress up for church - they don't.  They barely dress up for funerals and their own WEDDINGS.  So boo hoo.

I wish they'd sing the songs I used to know, they make me feel good, remind me of times and people I used to know.  But so what?  The songs they have now praise God, uplift people, teach.  I just don't know or like them as well.  So boo hoo.


The point to all this?  

Sit in a pew, sit in a recliner; 

Wear a suit, wear jeans; 

Knock on a church door at 10am, knock on the door to a secret catacomb under the streets of Rome at midnight...

As long as you're KNOCKING, I hear tell the door WILL be opened unto you.  

Imagine that. 


So until I can get my time machine fixed, guess I'm stuck  dealin' with this ever-present, often annoying, "present" stuff.  Not thrilled about that, but  the recliner idea does have my attention.

As together we stand and sing.

BP 

WHY I LOVE THE OLD TESTAMENT (#3)

I used to know a kid named Kwalk-oo.

I also knew a kid named Brian.

Kwalk-oo got all the girls.  Why?  Because Kwalk-oo is a cool name.

The Old Testament is jam-packed with cool, weird names.  Let's look at a few of them.

First off there's Hagar; handmaid of Sarah, concubine of Abraham and mother of Ishmael.  It was also one of the best Sunday Morning Funnies I have EVER read. Anything that's a Viking, a comic AND in the Bible is a tough combo to beat in my book.

Next there's Nimrod.  Nimrod was a great hunter and the son of Cush.  Nimrod is also a fantastic name to call somebody on the playground, as in, "You Nimrod!"  I find if you tell somebody off with a name from the Bible it is VERY tough to find a come back.  Same goes for "Stiff-necked, uncircumcised, white-washed sepulcher of dead men's bones."  There's just not anything you can say to that.

The King of Assyria's name was  Sennacherib.  I don't even know how to PRONOUNCE that name.  And what do you call him for short?  "Senn"?  "Rib"?  "Brian"?

Holofernes, General of Nebuchadnezzar, is no better.  "Hello, Holo!  Any orders for today?  Nice medals."

Gad was the son of Jacob and Zilpah.  Famous for inventing the phrase: "E-gad!"  As in, "E-gad, my mother is named Zilpah!"

Abihu was the Son of Aaron.  Always makes me think of that song, "Blue Abihu".

Adonijah was one of David's sons, and probably the trouble maker of the family.  You don't name an "easy" kid Adonijah, you name him Brian.  Adonijah was trouble.

Amram was Moses' dad.  And as tough as one and a half Dodge trucks.

As together we stand and sing.

BP 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US

Thanks George, Thomas, Ben, Sam, John, Abraham, Douglas, Susan B., Martin, Harriet, Abagail, Patrick, and countless others.

The world has never been the same.

As together we stand and sing.

BP

 

DEVO-DOODLES (#1)

If a baptistery is for baptizing...

And a lecturn is for lecturing, and a pulpit is for PULLING people INTO the baptistry...

And if a Communion Table is for communing...

It makes sense that a hymnal is for hymns...

But why am I the crazy one for wanting a HUM-nal as well?! 


Sometimes I like to see what happens when I BleachTM PRE-coffee.

Now we know.  I feel dizzy. 

As together we stand and sing.

BP