POEM POWER (#4)

Saturday night 

Is always so fun 

Unless you're a Preacher

Who's sermon's not done.

Aliens and Cowboys?

Or Bibles and Pews?

Another decision,

That's so hard to choose.

Should I stay in

And study and pray?

Or go into town

Buy Goobers and play?

Which do I pick?

What should I do?

A movie or Church?
Popcorn or Ruth? 

Read my concordance

Thought of Harrison Ford

Wasn't he good

Way back in Star Wars?

Then out of the blue

My brain stops hurtin'.

A movie illustration

Might pep up my sermon.

So I pack up my Bible

Assured I can swing it. 

I'll go out tonight

Tomorrow I'll wing it.

As together we stand and sing.

BP

THE BLERMON CHALLENGE (#1)

Recently someone sent me this picture...

...and submitted the challenge that I wouldn't be able to BleachTM (blog-preach) a BlermonTM (blog-sermon) about it.  

This may come as a surprise to many of you, but I'm afraid they were right.  I CAN'T Bleach a BlermonTM about it.  I can BleachTM THREE.  I've already finished the titles for them:

1.) The Parable of the Mouthy Elder Fish.

2.) When Bad Things Happen To Ugly Fish.

3.) What Would Jesus Do With THESE?

I could also make a couple of pretty cool Bible Greeting Cards out of it too.

"Missed you at the last Pot Luck Dinner..."

"Day Old Fish, Day Older You.  Happy Birthday!" 

(insert Bible fish verse)

"Congratulations on getting baptized!  Some friends who were there wanted to say hi". 

I could also do a short video/documentary called: 

 

Fishers of MEN

 Smell Better.

I wish somebody could tell me how do I do it?    I'm amazing.  I'm a BlermonTM force of nature.  A BleachingTM Wonder.

Let's eat.  Red Lobster tonight, Gidget?

As together we stand and sing.

BP 

PS: New Movie idea:

"HE AIN'T AN UGLY, DEAD FISH...

HE'S MY BROTHER."

BP'S SERMON CHECKLIST

1.) WELCOME 
  - Visitors
  - Regular Members
  - Members who attend like Visitors.

2.) ANNOUNCEMENTS
  - The Summer Jell-o Salad Picnic is this Tuesday at noon.  We need more shaved carrots!  If you have shaved carrots or carrots that CAN be shaved, see Dottie.
  - Ladies Bible Class has been cancelled due to lack of Ladies who haven't read the book of Ruth in the last 20 years.
  -Dick and Doris Melanie have a new Lazy Boy recliner!  It is the kind with the drink holders and attachments for video games.  Dick sends thanks for all of your prayers over the years asking for the recliner.  Doris asks for your prayers for the coming years.

SERMON: 

Fish, Friends and Forgiveness

INTRODUCTION 
  a.) Funny farm story about a talking fish.
   b.) Scripture reading (TBD)
   c.) Power Point pic of me fishing in Montana (the weird hat one).

POINT #1 FRY A FISH
  a.) Sad story about a fish I killed.
  b.) Scripture of Jesus eating fish (TBD).
  c.) YouTube vid of guy frying fish and falling into the water.

POINT #2: FRY A FRIEND
  a.) Funny/scary story about a Friend I almost killed while fishing (in Idaho, not the Manitoba friend).
   b.) Make a reference to JAWS, friends, fish, people dying etc.
  c.) Show JAWS clip (long version) 
  d.) Buy new book on "How to Format A Sermon" (this is too hard).


POINT #3: FORGIVE, FORGET, FORECLOSE(ing).
  a.) Make some big point here.
  b.) Moment of silence
  c.) Tie everything together
  d.) Dog Poem: Why Dogs Make Me Cry And Fish Don't.


GIVE ALTAR CALL/INVITATION

Say...

As together we stand and sing.

BP 

ONE OF THOSE DAYS

Well, it happened.  

Yesterday was INDEED, one of THOSE days.

You know the kind I'm talkin' about.

But no, it wasn't one of THOSE those days.

It wasn't one of those days where nothing goes right and everything goes wrong.  The kind where you put salt in the coffee and sugar on the potatoes; get a notice on that property tax bill you forgot about and lose your favorite pen down the toilet.  

What do you mean you've never  put salt in your coffee?  Just me?  Oh.  OK, Smartie Pants. Good for you.  Anyhow...

It wasn't one of THOSE days.

It also wasn't one of those days where nothing could go wrong.  The kind of day where you find yourself virtually in the zone, flawless, effortless, brilliant.  The kind of day where you wake up, look in the mirror and are astonished by just how dang handsome you are without even tryin'.  The kind of day where you win the lottery without even buying a ticket.


Nope.  It was not like that either. Yesterday was a different one of THOSE days.  But it was still the kind of day that you don't too quickly forget...if ever.

Yesterday was one of those days where you unexpectedly spend time laughing really hard in a pizza joint, in the middle of the day, with a good friend, who you love and admire beyond words, and hear them tell you how great life is for them right now, and how busy they are, and how creative they've been.  

And it feels so good to hear them tell you all about it, and to see the joy on their face, and you are so happy and grateful for that moment because it reminds you how good it can be.

And it was one of those days where a little later on, you see another friend who you love and admire, who's been struggling so hard and so bravely for so long just to survive, stand up on a stage, so weak and sick and frail,  in front of hundreds of other friends, and somehow, incredibly, miraculously do what he does better than anybody else in the world.  

And you can't believe your eyes, and you hold your breath, and you beat back the tears, and you try not to pass out, and when the song's over, you find yourself cheering louder than you ever have, but you can't hear yourself cheering because there are just too many others around you cheering too.

And it just kills you, because you're just so happy and grateful for that moment to see the joy on his face, and to feel the love in the room because it reminds you how good it can be. 

And it was one of those days where the phone rings and it's another friend, who you've loved and admired since you were a kid, who's gone through a really rough time lately.  So rough that you didn't think you'd ever have this conversation.  And your heart's been breaking for days as you've waited to hear if he made it or not, and if he'd be normal afterwards or not, and you can't quite believe you're actually hearing his voice.

So when you hear him say hello it just kills you, and you stutter for a moment while you try to force words, that are suddenly too big and too important, out of your mouth.  

So you fight back the tears, and you hold your breath, and you crack some jokes to try and lighten the mood, and then you both laugh a little.  But all you're thinking is how glad you are he's still around, and how great it is that he still thinks your dumb jokes are funny, and how relieved you are that what he so cruelly tried to do to himself didn't work, and that you hope with everything you've got that he knows now how many are out here still cheering for him, and still hoping for him, and still in awe of him, and still needing him and still loving him more than he will ever know.   

And when you hang up, you're just so happy and grateful for that moment because it reminds you  how good it IS.   

It was one of THOSE days yesterday.

As together we stand and sing.

BP

THOUGHT OF THE DAY #8

Today's thought of the day, isn't mine originally, but since hearing it, I DO think it on a regular basis as if it were my own. Hopefully someday I'll forget who thought it first and I'll be able to claim it as my very own.  I love having something to look forward to.

So in some ways, this is sort of a Guest Thinker.  Eat your heart out, Joel Olsteen.

Here it is:

"What you ARE

Is what you have been.

What you'll BE

Is what you do NOW."

- Buddha 

Before you go, you may wanna re-read that one again.  It's good.  

As is my "Snoopy On Too Much Benadryl" picture below.

As together we stand and sing.

BP

MY TATTOO

Well, I guess I'm gonna have to break down and get a tattoo.

I really don't  want one.  All that pinching and poking is really something I can do without.  But it seems like all the cool, young Preachers have them these days, and let it never be said that Brother Preacher was remiss in the never-ending pursuit of cool.  As a public figure, it's sorta mandatory for me.  I have to relate to my audience at all times.  As I have tried to explain to my wife Gidget, "It's a work thing".

Now that I think of it, tattoos are probably why Preachers don't preach in suits and ties anymore.  Can't show off your cool, new "dragon on a flaming motorcycle" tat in a suit and tie. Gotta go t-shirt for that.  Possibly tank top. 

I will admit it's very effective to see a "tatoo" Preacher in action.  They hold out their arms to make a point and BAM - there's that "electric skunk" tattoo on their forearm starin' right out at you.  Immediately it hits you, "Hey look! That dude has a SKUNK on his arm!" And then I completely forget what he was preachin' about.  Electric skunks will do that to ya.

The Tatoo Preacher also has a bit of dangerous mystique about him which I find very intriguing.  You take one look at that tattoo and start thinkin', "Wow.  This guy must have had some kind of WILD past!  Was it the war?  Prison?  I wonder which mall he got that skunk tattoo from?" 

Of course, once I get this tattoo idea past Gidget and my grumpy Elders, there are still gonna be 2 major problems that must be addressed: 

1.) The kind of tattoo.

2.) Tattoo Placement.



In my case, the KIND of tattoo I get will be key.  Like a lot of these cool Preachers, I TOO have a past, but it's not all that impressive.  I don't think a tattoo of my trip to the Yangton, South Dakota Bible Youth Camp will translate all that well.  So I've gotta think of something else.

Of course, people will EXPECT me to get a Bible or maybe a cross - but that's too predictable. A burning pulpit could be cool.  Or maybe some spinning communion trays on a skateboard.

I LOVE Winnie the Pooh and have always enjoyed his movie work.  Winnie the Pooh at a pulpit spinning communion trays could be cool,  but Gidget looks at me funny when I suggest it. I think it's because Pooh never wears pants.


I could get the bunch of lines tattoo.  There is a fantastic Chinese restaraunt we go to that has some pretty hip lookin' lines in the menu.  I just don't wanna walk around with Lunch Specials on my neck.

Perhaps a list of my 10 best sermon ideas, or the 5 steps of salvation would work.  A web address isn't a bad idea. Might as well get some advertising in while I'm being hip.

I don't care for the pictures of people tattoos.  They always end up lookin' like green zombies to me.  So that's out.

The Apostle Paul and Pooh reading a Bible on a motorcycle COULD be the answer.  I know I've never seen it before.  Lemme think on it.

Tattoo Placement is the other problem to consider - and when I really think of it, may be the deal breaker.  

You see, in my case, WHEREVER I decide to put a tattoo is going to be problematic in that the proposed spot on my body for pricking will require a fair amount of shaving and sit ups.  Neither of which interest me in the slightest. 

When old guys get tattoos I think they fail to consider this important fact.  When young guys get tattoos they fail to realize that what is today's firm and sexy will be tomorrow's loose and saggy.   

"Think Before You Ink"

BP, circa 1971

As together we stand and sing.

BP

THE MATCH

Genesis 32: 24-30

 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.  

When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 

Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

   

 But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

The man asked him, “What is your name?”

   

“Jacob,” he answered.

Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,^[f] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”

   

But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there. 

 So Jacob called the place Peniel,^[g] saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”

Hosea 12:4 - 

Yea, he wrestled with the Angel, and prevailed;

I've never wrestled an angel before.  I'm assuming they'd cheat.  I know I would, if I were an angel.

How could you not cheat?  It'd be too easy. Just being your regular, 'ole angel self would be an automatic and unfair advantage. 

Look, imagine you're angel.  You have a little thing called WINGS tacked to your back.  I'd use mine to swoop down on my opponent then slap his head with 'em till he saw feathers. 

Guess what?  You've got wings?  YOU WIN.

But wings are nothing compared to the angel's ability to glow in the dark.  If you were an angel and wrestled at night, you could "go dark" for the first part of the match, then suddenly pop on the glow feature, and BOOM - you've just created momentary blindness in your opponent.

Glow in the dark?  YOU WIN.

Better still, in the day time Angels can go completely invisible (except to donkeys), which as anyone knows who has seen certain 3 Stooges movies, always makes for a nice bit of carnage.

Invisible?  YOU WIN.

Of course, if the wings and invisibility and the glow feature don't get the job done, all the wrestling angel has to do is whip out the ever-present sword/harp/trumpet  gear and finish the job in short order.

Robe full of gadgets?  YOU WIN...again.

Angels don't lose wrestling matches.  They can't.

Which is why this story has always confounded me.  In THIS story, the angel DOES lose.  Or at best, DOESN'T win.

Here Jacob wrestles an angel (some translations call it "a man") all night.  In the passage it says that...

"When the man saw that he could not overcome Jacob..."

Huh?  Really?  The angel COULD NOT overcome Jacob?  REALLY?  Jacob was THAT tough?  REALLY?  That musta been some head lock.  Not bad for a guy who didn't like the outdoors, or have wings, or glow in the dark.

Not only could the angel not beat Jacob, but he resorts to cheating (what'd I tell ya) and smacks Jacob in the hip, injuring him in the process, and then demands that Jacob let him go.

Well, sorry, Mr. Angel.  Not gonna be that easy this time.  This is Jacob you're dealing with, not some run-of-the-mill, Sunday School Weenie.

Simply put: Jacob doesn't let go. Even after the angel tells him to. Jacob doesn't give in.  He doesn't stop fighting.  Instead, he continues to struggle, continues to fight, continues to wrestle against impossible odds.  Instead of giving in to the Angel's demands, Jacob digs in harder, and says,

"I will not let you go, unless you bless me." 

I don't care who you are - that's impressive.  That's mouthy.  That's tough.  To refuse to let the angel go shows a real truth about Jacob.  He was going to get his blessing, no matter what the angel wanted. 

The amazing thing is, 2 verses later, Jacob gets it.  He gets exactly what he wanted. 

Which was nothing unusual for Jacob.  He usually got what he wanted, even though he didn't always go about getting it in the "proper" way.  By this time in the story Jacob mouthing off to the angel doesn't surprise us at all.

He appears to have a been a headstrong, stubborn, crafty, risk-taking, conniving, rascal.  A rascal who, by the way, ALWAYS got what he wanted...eventually.  Which makes the meaning of his new name all the more understandable, 

"...you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome."

Not bad.  But also not anything like how we'd do it.

Jacob's way just seems so...impolite to us.  So pushy.  It's just not how  a "good" person should ask for things. For us it would go more like this:

"Let me Go."

"OK.  Sorry.  I hope I didn't come off too pushy.  I tend to get overly excited and...anyway...sorry.  Maybe we can talk about that blessing when you get some free time?" 

That's how WE do it.  But thankfully, that's NOT how Jacob did it.  Not by a long shot.  And it's good he didn't do it our way because if he HAD...he probably would've gone home empty handed.

We forget, Jacob wasn't condemned for his determined, stubborn, tough fighting style - on the contrary, he was rewarded for it.   

The angel hadn't come down and offer to bless him on the spot, free of charge. Jacob had to fight for it.  Struggle for it.  Demand it.  It was only THEN that he was given what he was asking for. 

But it is the end of the story that takes an even weirder turn and makes my head explode every time I read it.   The angel wasn't an angel, or a man.  It was God.

God.  The loving father.  The giver of all good things.  The one who will gladly supply all our needs.  THIS was who Jacob was fighting with?    THIS was who Jacob had to WRESTLE a blessing from?   

Um.  Yes.  Oh...yes.

And guess what?  After much struggle, and much sweat and much demanding, Jacob got what he wanted...from God.

Which is not normally how we think of the whole "God thing" either.  

For us it's much more civilized.  Easier.  Nicer.  More polite.  We ask, He gives.  We ask.  He doesn't give.  There is rarely any struggle to anything we do.   

"Let me go!"

"Oh, OK, sorry.  So, I guess we can talk about that whole blessing thing later I guess?"

Which is why we are so rarely touched by God.  So rarely smacked.  Never surprised.  Never confused.  Our hips are fine.  We never do anything that would cause them to be otherwise.

But at the same time, we aren't REALLY blessed by Him either, aren't really challenged by our faith, aren't moved in our churches, aren't prompted by injustice, aren't fulfilled in our walk, aren't wrapped up in passionate, creative works, aren't joyfully swept up by life.

How could we be?


So polite.

So good.

So civil. 

Meanwhile Jacob asks...and God asks...

Wrestled any angels lately?


As together we stand and sing.


BP